


The Things That We Could Be

by firesign10



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Actors, Angst, Blackmail, Homophobia, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 04:37:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1885407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesign10/pseuds/firesign10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and Jared used to be together. Then they weren't. Five years have gone by, and Jensen's now reached out to his former lover. From a tentative reunion in a dusty desert diner to an actor's life in Hollywood, Jared and Jensen try to re-sculpt their lives and re-ignite their love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a sequel to Pay Phone. Reading Pay Phone is encouraged, of course, but The Things that We Could Be was written as a stand-alone story as well.
> 
> Written for the SPN-J2-BigBang on Livejournal. Thanks to moderator wendy for running this behemoth of a challenge!
> 
> So many thanks to my fabulous artist, milly_gal, who loved the story immediately and created several lovely pieces! Her energy and enthusiasm were so terrific, and she was completely wonderful and helpful throughout the process! Thanks for all your effort and time, sweetie!! YAY!!!!!
> 
> Many thanks to my two wonderful beta readers, candygramme and tipsy_kitty!!! Appreciate your time and effort so much!
> 
> Huge thanks to roxymissrose and etoile_etiolee!! etoile_etiolee kindly gave this a final audience read and provided great support! And roxymissrose patiently read through numerous pages and drafts, as well as providing counsel, encouragement, and perspective! Thanks, you guys!

Part 1

Jared pulled his dusty truck up in the mostly empty parking lot of Penny's Diner. From the moment he'd exited highway 285 onto Route 3, he'd worried he would miss it. As his truck ate up the miles of desolation and sand, he realized how unfounded his fear had been. The flat sandy land had only been broken by rocks and the occasional faded billboard. When he finally reached the diner, he saw that it, the gas station across the street, and the motel a few yards down the road were clearly the only buildings for miles.

Running his hands through his long hair, Jared sighed and dropped them back onto the steering wheel. He had thought that he'd be out of his truck the moment he arrived, running to see Jensen. Instead, he was still sitting inside it, contemplating how a moment he never expected to see had arrived. Jensen was inside that diner, and they were going to be face-to-face for the first time in six years. They were going to talk, _really_ talk; about themselves, about their past relationship, about the reasons they'd been apart for so long, the issues that lay between them.

About how Jensen had finally, painfully, come to terms with his sexuality, after he'd seen Jared appear on the talk show, Ellen. Jared and Ellen had had a frank discussion about their stories and their sexuality while Jensen, hidden in a alcove of the audience, had watched, and subsequently faced his own, years-long denial.

It had triggered a personal crisis for Jensen, a crisis that caused him to drop everything in L.A. and drive to Texas. He'd gone to his hometown and confronted his parents after years of hiding the truth about himself. Jared knew how deep Jensen's fear had been regarding that potential confrontation, and when Jensen had called him from the desert here, said how he'd finally told them he was gay--well, Jared was pretty impressed that, after so many years, Jensen had actually done it. Jensen told him how surprised he had been to find them unexpectedly accepting and supportive; the anger and hostility he'd feared would rain down on his head never materialized. That monster faced, Jensen scrambled to return to L.A., desperate for a chance to talk to Jared, to clear the air between them, until his truck died and left him stranded in the parched New Mexico desert. Hot, dusty, thirsty, Jensen had walked until he found the oasis that was Penny's Diner.

And the pay phone at the gas station.

Jensen had called Jared and told him how the phone seemed like a sign from above--a sign to call the man he loved and _talk_. Tell Jared how he truly felt, even after all these years, and about how much regret he still felt over their break-up. Confess how he'd never really been happy since.

Ask Jared if maybe . . . maybe they had a chance to be happy now.

Jared had never stopped loving Jensen, not when they split and not during those long years apart. Oh, he'd dated, he'd slept with a few men and even fewer women, but it was always Jensen who lived in his heart. When his cell phone had rung that day, he'd never expected to hear Jensen's voice--much less what that voice spilled out to him. He'd tried to be cool, tried to guard himself, but finally he was in tears. _Yes,_ he heard himself say, _yes, I'll be there as soon as I can. Wait for me, Jensen. Wait right there. I'm coming for you._

He'd grabbed his phone car charger, some toiletries and T-shirts, and he'd jumped in his truck and left. It could have been a monotonous trip, except for the tunes he cranked and the memories that filled his head. The two of them working together back at the start of _Supernatural_. The attraction, soon proved to be mutual. The trip to North Carolina; three weeks spent at the Outer Banks, gorgeous ocean and beach, even more gorgeous Jensen by his side. Their first time making love. The countless times after that. If "idyllic" had a definition, it was those weeks in the sun, under the stars, in their bed.

The road kept slipping by; California bled into Arizona, then into New Mexico, with Jared only stopping to refuel, caffeinate, and pee. He was tempted to skip recalling the less pleasant memories that also remained in his head, but he gritted his teeth and relived them as well--the increasingly bitter fights, the sullen silences, the sniping. The split--that horrendous day when he watched Jensen leave, knowing it was for good. Lonely nights punctuating busy days, days where he laboriously carved out a career, tentatively made friends, assiduously learned his craft. Brief moments of dating, where he enjoyed the company of this man or that woman, only to look into their eyes and know it wasn't going to work out. They were all nice enough, attractive, they just--they weren't Jensen.

Eventually, Jared had reconciled himself to being alone. He had a small circle of close friends. He even had a couple of fuck-buddies, when the pressure of living life physically untouched grew too great; two people he trusted implicitly, cared for deeply, but knew he'd never love romantically. They knew it too, there were no illusions on either side. They gave of themselves and took the affection he could offer in return, but never asked for more than that transient warmth in his bed and what love he could give. Jared could never see himself being with anyone long-term again, could never reassign that place in his heart that still belonged to Jensen.

Jensen, who was waiting inside that diner, past the aqua and tan facade and those glass doors. Waiting for Jared.

 _Now_ a sense of haste struck Jared. Now the reminiscing, the wondering, all of that was shaken off as he flung the truck door open and jumped to the ground. Slamming the door, he ran to the diner entrance, grabbing the glass door and throwing it open as he loped through. His heart felt like it was racing and about to stop all at once as he skidded to a halt on the dingy linoleum floor. His eyes darted everywhere as he sought--oh God, was he still here? Please don't let him have left--

_Jensen._

Jensen checked his phone for the umpteenth time. He didn't know if he was hoping or dreading to find a message waiting. _I'm en route!_ Or, maybe-- _I'm not coming._ Which was more difficult to contemplate?

After he'd summoned the last of his courage and called Jared that momentous afternoon, Jensen then found himself . . . waiting. He drank two bottles of water to rehydrate, then had some lunch while sipping a third bottle. The waitress, a middle-aged, bottle blonde with a sweet smile named Rayette, started chatting with him after taking his order, inquiring about his dusty, disheveled appearance. He began to tell her just about his impromptu desert hike, but then he went back to why he was in Texas in the first place, and that lead to telling her that he'd just come out, and _that_ led back to Jared. By the time he was finishing his story along with his last few fries, Rayette was sitting at his booth and wiping mascara and tears away with a paper napkin.

"That is the most star-crossed, beautiful, dang love story I ever heard!" she snuffled. She patted Jensen's arm and blew her nose. "You guys finding your way back to each other after all those years! That's better than half the movies I seen!"

Jensen blushed. He hadn't meant to go on and on quite like that, but it seemed that uncorking his feelings meant he'd also uncorked his words. Well, at least it was just the waitress here in the middle-of-the-desert diner where he'd wound up.

"Now, listen, hon," Rayette said as she stood up. "Your sweetie is gonna be a while getting here from L.A., you know? And I think you're probably ready for a shower and some shut-eye before you see him, so why don't you go on over to the Desert Motel down the road here and get a room? You can clean up and have yourself a good nap, and then come back and wait for him here. How does that sound? I'll call Wayne up at the motel and tell him you're on your way over."

Jensen nodded, feeling the fatigue overtake him, now that his stomach was full. It had been a long hike in the desert sun, and a shower sounded liked heaven. He slid out of the booth, leaving a couple of twenties on the table and shushing Rayette's tsks.

"Thanks, Rayette, that sounds great." God, his feet felt so heavy, and damn, so did his eyelids.

She chuckled. "Lookit you, you're ready to fall asleep on your feet! Get on now, Wayne's gonna be waiting for you!"

The heat hit Jensen full-force as he exited the diner, a hot, dry mass of air that enveloped him immediately. The motel was several yards up the road, and he walked that distance slowly. He pushed in the lobby door and sighed happily to feel the cool tendrils of air conditioning wind around his body.

The lobby was sparsely furnished but clean; a couple of armchairs from the 70's sat next to a scarred coffee table, with vending machines for water and soda leaning against the far wall. A large, bristly cactus towered at one side of the desk counter. Behind the counter stood a tall man with wide shoulders and jug-handle ears. His snap-button brown plaid shirt stretched over a generous belly, and his sparse hair was neatly combed across his leathery scalp. He cracked a wide grin when he saw Jensen, displaying a couple of gold teeth and some serious nicotine stains. His gray eyes were warm, and the grin was genuine.

"Well now, you must be the young man Rayette was sending over! Welcome to the Desert Motel, your oasis in New Mexico!" He looked Jensen over and shook his head. "You sure do look tuckered out! Here's a key to room 8. It's right up that hallway. You go right on in and have yourself a good snooze, young man!"

Jensen couldn't help smiling at the man's good nature. "Thank you, that's just what I'm going to do."

"You got it, son. Now you go on there and take a load off!"

Jensen walked down on the hallway's faded floral carpet and found his room. He entered and immediately felt like he was back on the set of _Supernatural_. They had had room after room of kitschy decor, the set decorators constantly in an unspoken contest for "cheesiest motel room". This room would have been a contender, boasting a palette of faded southwestern colors--beige, terra cotta, turquoise, and white--in an angular print used for both bedding and curtains, with a turquoise rug spread on the floor. Jensen shook his head and chuckled. It felt downright homey.

The bed was comfortable, and that was the main thing. Jensen debated a shower--God knew he felt dusty and disgusting enough--but fatigue won out and he collapsed onto the coverlet. The mattress felt like a cloud beneath his tired body, and the pillow smelled of sunshine. Jensen felt every bit of tension drain out of him, and within seconds, he was fast asleep.

It was dark when he woke up; it felt like hours had passed, and his mind was disoriented and groggy. He shuffled into the bathroom and discarded all of his sweaty, smelly clothing, dropping it on the terra cotta tile floor with a shudder. He started the water and let it heat up as he pissed before stepping into the shower with a groan of pleasure. It felt like mud was sluicing off his skin, the layer of dust and grit was so thick. He lathered up his hair and his body twice before he felt truly clean, and he could feel the grit on the bottom of the tub beneath his feet. His clean clothes felt like silk as he pulled them on.

Jensen didn't particularly want to walk outside after achieving his current state of comfortable cleanliness, but there was no wind, and the temperature wasn't set on "fry" anymore. He waved to Wayne as he went outside, strolling back to Bonnie's for some dinner. He had thought the diner would be dry, but happily discovered that they had a license for beer and wine, so he was able to enjoy an ice-cold beer with his steak fajitas.

Now he was feeling good; rested, clean, fed, most of a cold one in his belly. Rayette was gone, so he wondered if his dinner waitress was in fact Penny. He caught a glimpse of her name tag and sure enough, it was. Penny looked like a throw-back to the fifties in her aqua cotton dress, starched white apron, and little paper frill pinned into her bunned strawberry-blonde hair. She was every bit as friendly to Jensen as Rayette had been, and he wondered if Rayette had tipped her off about him. As he continued to sip his beer, she came back over to him with his check.

"No hurry, hon," she said as she collected his dishes in a gray plastic bin and stashed it at the counter. "Slow night. Aren't they all, ya know?" She winked at him. "I heard about all about you from Rayette. Your boyfriend's on his way here from L.A., yeah?"

Jensen felt a thrill at hearing Jared referred to as his "boyfriend" out loud, followed by a chill that ran down his spine. What if someone tipped some sleazy pap or gossip rag about it? Headlines like "Jensen Ackles - GAY!" swam before his eyes. His chest got tight and his vision blurred momentarily. His hand clenched on the edge of the table.

"Hey, hey, you okay there, sweetcheeks?" Penny's face came into focus. She looked very concerned as she handed him a cold, wet dishtowel. "Is it the heat? It hits people pretty hard sometimes, if you ain't used to it. Here you go, put that on your face and neck. You had a big walk there yesterday, you still might have a touch of heatstroke."

"Thanks . . . it's not the heat. I just . . . we haven't . . ."

Penny nodded sagely. "Y'all aren't all the way _out?_ Well, don't you worry about that, sugar. Ain't no one here to even notice some actor from TV and his Hollywood boyfriend." 

Jensen looked up at her, surprised. She nodded again, patting his arm.

"Well, sure I know who you are. I _love_ your show. You barely crack a smile and you're the funniest one on it, but you got those still waters going on too. When they have you talk about your poor departed wife? I tear up every time." She patted his arm and motioned for him to put the dishtowel around the back of his neck. "That's right, just drape it across your nape and that will cool you right down. Now don't you worry at all, Jensen, I guarantee you that anyone inside this diner right now don't know or care about you and your sweetie. Just relax, okay? You might have to decide what you're gonna do about it in Los Angeles, but not here."

She stood up and got him a glass of ice water. "Now, how about some nice mixed berry pie?"

 

In the end, he'd had the pie and another beer, then returned to crash again at the motel. He was much calmer, but the incident had proved one thing--he wasn't sure how he felt about being out to the entire world. He'd just come out to his family after years of repression and with considerable anxiety; he really hadn't considered everyone else yet. Fortunately, the two beers and the remaining fatigue from his trek enabled him to fall asleep quickly. Plus, tomorrow?

Tomorrow he'd see Jared.

Jared stood still in the middle of the diner, eyes trying to scan the place quickly and find Jensen. He fought not to panic, thinking desperately that surely Jensen wouldn't leave without seeing him . . .

"Jared?"

Jared whirled around and there he was, all six foot one of him, spiky hair and bowed legs, faded denim shirt and dark jeans. Jensen. Sparkling green eyes, full lips in a hesitant smile, hands jammed into his front pockets, the way he always did when he was nervous.

"Jensen?"

A spit second later, they were in each other's arms, hugging tightly. Jensen's hair tickled Jared's nose as he buried his face in the soft spikes, his arms straining to hold Jensen as closely as he could. God, he'd forgotten how strong Jensen was, how massive those shoulders were, how incredible that lean frame felt against him. Tears started trickling down his cheeks, and Jared fought not to sob with joy, with relief, with the release of a grief that had built up over the years. Jensen's scent filled his nose; a dash of cologne, Jensen's citrus shampoo, the warm smell of his skin, all combined into an essence that spelled _love_ and _home_ for Jared. He breathed it in deeply, wanting to fill his lungs with this scent forever.

The hands clutching his back opened slightly, and Jared took that as the sign to break the hug, although he didn't intend to go far. He lifted his head and stepped back half a step so he could look into Jensen's face. Jensen's eyes were bright--Jared could see his unshed tears as well, and then they spilled over as Jensen blinked, rolling down those beautiful freckled cheeks, losing themselves in his stubble. He brought up a hand to wipe them off and Jared caught it, bringing it instead to his lips and pressing a kiss on the knuckles.

"It's okay . . . I've got tears too. Don't be ashamed of them." Jared ran Jensen's hand across his face, showing Jensen his cheeks too were wet. He felt a ridiculously wide smile splitting his face while at the same time he wanted to sit right down and bawl, so he nodded to a booth, where they could sit and recover their emotional equilibrium. Jensen nodded back and they made it the few steps over, sitting down on either side of the table with hands still clasped.

"Jesus, Jared, you look . . . you look amazing. Even more gorgeous than the last time I saw you." Jensen's eyes kept searching Jared's face, both of his hands clutching one of Jared's. 

"Dude, you even look in a mirror lately? You're ridiculously handsome, especially now that you're past that awkward twink stage." Jared winked as Jensen laughed. Jensen had always hated being regarded as a pretty-boy when he was younger, fighting to be recognized as an actor and a grown man. Jared studied the captivating crinkles at the corner of Jensen's eyes, the stubble that roughened his features, and the shadows around his eyes that spoke of sleeplessness and pain. Clearly Jensen had dealt with unhappiness and probably more, but the changes it had wrought on his face had only honed his masculine beauty.

Rayette approached the booth with glasses of ice water. "You boys wanna look at a menu, or you just going to keep staring at each other?" She winked at them. "Can't say as I blame ya, you both look good enough to eat!" She laughed as she plunked menus onto the table.

Jared felt flustered by her evident awareness of them, but Jensen just laughed. "I don't think we've decided yet, Rayette. Give us just a minute?"

"Sure thing, doll. You and that tall drink of water just holler, okay? Take your time." She walked away, and Jensen grinned at Jared.

"She kinda knows a little about what's going on. I spilled my guts a little as I was cooling down from walking in the desert for four and a half hours." As if he was still parched, Jensen drank deeply from his water glass.

"Four and a--what the hell, dude? You need to tell me everything, okay? Everything! I don't even--" Jared ran his free hand through his hair. "Years go by, Jen, _years_ , and then you call me? You call me and tell me everything that I--everything I've wanted to hear from you. Everything I gave up ever hoping to hear. And now, here we are--and I kinda get it, but I kinda don't, and, Jensen . . ." Jared felt the tears filling his eyes again, blinked hard. "Jensen, please . . . please don't break my fuckin' heart again, baby, because I don't think I can . . . " 

Speech failed him; he looked down and put his hand over his eyes, fighting to control his emotions. The joy at this reunion was only matched by the memory of the pain he'd gone through when they split. He felt strung out from being on the road, like he was on a emotional tightrope. He couldn't imagine feeling any more tightly wound. One wrong word, and he'd snap like an over-tuned guitar string.

"Jared, baby, shh . . . I promise, things are different. Can't promise they're gonna be perfect, or that I'm not gonna fuck up, but I can promise they're different. I'm different. Only thing that's not different is that I fucking love you like no one else. You're it, Jared, you've always been it, and my life has been so dark and empty without you."

Jensen slid out of his seat and into Jared's side, still holding onto his hand. "I just wanted to tell you that, baby, and that's why I called you. Jesus, I was so relieved you still had that number!" He gave a little smile and shook his head.

Jared looked up into Jensen's eyes. Jensen smiled softly at him, and Jared couldn't deny the love he saw shining in those vibrant green irises.

Jensen went on, saying, "Just wanted to tell you how much I loved you, how much I _still_ love you. Darlin', if you want to give me a chance, I'll take it. But if you don't, I'll understand, and I'll respect that. You decide--if you need time to think it over, I'll respect that too. I just couldn't--I had to tell you, is all. I couldn't just let it go like it never happened."

Jensen's long lashes were clumped together with tears, and Jared brought his hand up and gently wiped across them with his thumb. Jensen closed his eyes and Jared heard his breath hitch.

"Okay," Jared whispered, his own voice sounding as from far away. "I'll take the chance."

They hugged for a few minutes after that, Jared's face hidden in Jensen's neck, Jensen's against Jared's chest. Jared had finally asked if they could eat something--romance was a great thing, he joked, but he'd driven several hours, and he was hungry. Jensen laughed and agreed, sliding back to his original seat and beckoning Rayette over. He remembered that Jared's big body and fast metabolism needed lots of fuel, and he wanted to take good care of his boy.

They had steak and eggs with coffee, fried potatoes, and fresh juice, keeping the conversation light as they ate. Jared caught Jensen up on the Padalecki family's doings, and Jensen talked about working on the show. Rayette waved off their payment, so Jensen left an enormous tip when they finally departed for the motel. 

Jared drove them down the road to the motel, and grabbed a bag from the back seat as he followed Jensen inside. He laughed when he saw the room. 

"Really?"

"I know, right? Sam and Dean would be right at home here. Just need us some Magic Fingers!" Jensen smirked as he wiggled his fingers at Jared. He watched Jared drop his bag and look around, shaking his head. "It's a pretty comfortable bed, though." He felt self-conscious as soon as the words left his mouth - he didn't mean to assume anything was going to happen physically. Yet.

Jared looked at him, a small smile teasing out his dimples. "Oh, _really,_ " he drawled. He went over and bounced lightly on the mattress. "Hmm, not bad . . ."

Jensen was seized by conflicting feelings of shyness and desire. Jared was _here,_ bouncing on the bed right in front of him. Jensen didn't know if it was okay to touch him, but at the same time he felt like he needed to pounce or he'd explode. The warring urges froze him, eyes riveted on Jared but feet still, hands clenched at his sides.

Jared stopped bouncing and looked at Jensen. His smile died away.

"Jen . . . " he whispered. "Jen . . . please . . . come here . . ." He held a hand out.

Jensen walked to him, reaching his own hand out to slide into Jared's. "Jay, I . . . I want you so much, but I confess I'm scared. What are we going to do? What _are_ we doing? Do we . . .?" His voice trailed off.

"I don't have all the answers, Jen. But we're here now, aren't we? And five years ago, we didn't think that this was ever going to happen again, but--here we are. Can we just start with this, and work it out as we go?" His brown-blue eyes looked steadily into Jensen's, and Jensen felt the intensity of Jared's words soaking into his body. If there was one characteristic of Jared that he remembered, it was how Jared always meant what he said. There was no prevarication with Jared Padalecki.

"Yeah," he said, tightening his fingers on Jared's hand. "Yeah, that sounds good." Finally, he was free to react--it was as if Jared's words freed him from his paralysis. He could smile and move and throw himself onto Jared, knocking him backwards onto the bed, pinning him down. Jared laughed joyfully, his arms sliding around Jensen's body and holding him close. Jensen watched him, laughing; that wide grin on his face bracketed by those delicious dimples, those bright eyes sparkling at him. Jensen's heart felt so full, so light, and he laughed again before bending his head down and kissing Jared.

They both froze for a second at the shock of contact before Jared kissed him back. The last restraints crashed to the floor as they kissed and kissed, their kisses growing increasingly sloppy and passionate as their mouths smashed together, and tongues plunged deep. Jensen was mostly on top of Jared, knowing that his bulk was no undue strain on the bigger man; his hands twined in Jared's long hair, feeling the silky strands catch on his fingers, relishing the solid bulk of the body underneath him. He could feel Jared's big hands sliding up and down his back, the fingers digging into the long ridges of muscle in Jensen's back, unlocking tension he hadn't even been aware of. 

Jensen's cock hardened, and he instinctively started rutting against Jared. He rocked his hips a couple of times experimentally, waiting for Jared's reaction, then gasped with delight as Jared thrust back up against him, _hard_. God, that giant bulge in Jared's jeans felt so good against his aching dick! The pleasure sparked by their movement spread throughout Jensen like a heat wave, unleashing a hungry, reckless feeling he'd long forgotten about. Jensen pushed his entire body as hard as he could against Jared, craving more of that contact that had been so long denied. 

"Little anxious there, Jen?" Jared murmured, nosing under Jensen's jaw and planting kisses all over his neck, his mouth thrilling Jensen's nerves wherever it landed. "I'm here, darlin', not going anywhere. 'M here." His hands slid down Jensen's back to grip his cheeks firmly, trapping them in place as he thrust upwards against Jensen's dick. "Feel so good already, Jesus. Get some clothes off, baby, I need me some skin. Need to feel you naked against me." He sucked hard on Jensen's neck where it joined his shoulder, alternating with licking the abused skin. Jensen bent his neck--Jared was a master at long, slow hickeys that Jensen could admire for days. He moaned quietly as Jared's lips continued their journey down his neck into the sensitive skin above his collarbone, sending out little shivers of delight.

They managed to strip, ending up back on the bed with legs intertwined and hands searching as they re-acquainted themselves with each other's body. Jensen sighed with joy and pleasure as Jared's big hands explored him, those long fingers searching out every muscle, every scar, every line on him, his deft fingers squeezing, tracing, rubbing, until Jensen felt that his skin was glowing all over. As Jared moved over and around him, Jensen kissed and licked all of Jared's solid muscle and silky skin that his mouth could reach. An occasional nip evoked a grunt or gasp from Jared, and Jensen smiled at the resultant smack on his ass in response, a sting softened by the warmth spreading from the blow.

Finally they were lined up together, Jared on top of him as they lay pressed together from shoulders to toes, kissing deeply as their cocks slid together in a mess of mutual pre-come between their bellies. Jensen's mind was blown with lust and excitement--he'd never forgotten how delicious Jared was, but the memory paled beside the actuality. He wanted to do everything all at once--blow Jared, have Jared blow him, fuck, be fucked. The sexual feast that was Jared felt overwhelming, after so many years starvation, and his dick was already so hard he knew he wouldn't last for five minutes in any of those scenarios anyway. He felt like he was absolutely vibrating with the intensity of their desire; that Jared's breath on him charged the very air around them, Jared's soft gasps and whispers intoxicating him as they slid together. Their hips moved as if in some primal dance, short thrusts and grinding circles, fat cocks rolling against each other while their chests mashed together, nipples diamond-hard as they left little trails of laser-heat against skin already on the razor edge of overstimulation.

 _I could die here and be happy,_ thought Jensen, head thrown back as he fought to breathe through the passion tightening his chest and throat. Deft fingertips plucked at the tiny, hard buds of his nipples, little twists and pinches that made him keen and arch, his own fingers clenched in Jared's hair. He pulled Jared's head back to his mouth, thrusting his tongue in and stealing the very air from Jared's lungs.

"You fucker, how are you so goddamn hot still . . . dammit, gonna kill me . . ." Jared growled, his words puffed into Jensen's skin. Jensen couldn't even put two words together, settling for groans and murmurs of Jared's name, single syllables like _please_ and _yes_ and _God_ , hissed out as Jared played his body like a fucking instrument, drawing forth sighs and whimpers.

Their hands were slicked by the sheen of sweat on them, the heat from their bodies bouncing back and forth as they chased their climax. Jensen felt the imminence of his explosion and twisted their bodies, ending up on top of Jared again. Jared's hands skated down his back, one large paw grabbing each cheek and _pulling_ Jensen impossibly close against him as he bucked up. The extra bit of contact, of _pressure,_ was the match to the tinder--both men cried out as their orgasms slammed into them. Jensen's dick jumped and pulsed, his balls squeezing out hot globs and ribbons of come all over Jared's belly as well as his own. Jared followed scant seconds later; Jensen felt his thick cock harden under Jensen's softening one before more hot fluid spurted into the miniscule space between their bodies, leaving them both sated and panting.

Jared buried his face into the crook of Jensen's shoulder and neck, and it took a few moments before Jensen felt moisture on his skin and Jared's faint shaking.

Jared was crying.

"Shh . . . shh . . . " Jensen felt tears pricking his own eyes as he petted Jared's hair and held him close. "Baby, what's wrong? Are you okay? Should we . . .should we not have?" He rolled them onto their sides and kissed Jared's head, eyes closed as he prayed desperately that he hadn't already fucked it up.

Jared sniffled and lifted his head, watery eyes looking frankly at Jensen.

"Just kinda . . . overwhelming. Seeing you again. Being here with you. Making love with you. Didn't think that was ever going to happen again, but here we are. And it was so intense, so powerful--I kinda short-circuited emotionally. I'm okay. God, I am so fucking okay, Jen--I'm here with you. I couldn't be any better." He smiled shakily. "Just . . . everything hit me right after we came."

Jensen knew exactly what Jared meant. He felt it all too. The excitement, the tension, the nerves, the incredible sex. He smiled back as he ran a hand down the gorgeous plane of Jared's cheekbone.

"Yeah, I know just what you mean, darlin'. It's a hell of a ride, huh? And I know we got some work ahead, but Jesus Christ, I am so fucking happy to be right here with you. Nowhere I would rather be than spending some naked time with you."

They kissed, gently now that the passion had been tapped, and Jared reached for the sheet to pull over them.

"Sleep, lover. Let's get some rest now." His deep voice rolled over Jensen, leaving a feeling of peace behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

The ride back to L.A. was thankfully uneventful. Jensen arranged for his truck to be trailered after it was repaired. They drove back in Jared's truck, splitting the driving. 

They had a great time.

Jensen felt like a kid again as they stocked up on snacks. He wanted Cheetos and tortilla chips and root beer. Jared grabbed jerky and pork rinds and Mr. Pibb. They laughed at each other's choices when they met up at the register, the girl behind it not more than 19. She gave them a friendly smile, but there was a wary look in her eye.

"I think she thinks we just got released from the ward," Jared hissed, flicking Jensen's ear with a Twizzler.

Jensen snorted. " _You_ just got released. _I've_ had a day pass forever!" He stuck his tongue out at Jared and crossed his eyes.

The girl rang up their items with cautious movements and timid looks, like she might accidentally set them off, when Jared whooped and ran off down an aisle. Jensen looked around for him, calling his name, and then Jared was back, dumping gummy bears, Swedish fish, and a six-pack of water bottles.

"Sugar, Jen! Gotta have sugar for the drive! And hydration, 'cause we're in the desert!" He winked at the cashier, who evidently decided that they were harmless wackos at any rate, and threw in half a dozen packs of gum on the house.

Then they were off, driving through the night, taking turns every four or five hours for cat-naps. Around three a.m., Jensen looked over from the driver's seat and saw Jared sleeping, his head pillowed on his arm as it rested against the door. For a moment, he saw Sam Winchester, huddled against the side of the Impala as his big brother drove them through the night. Here, bands of light ran across Jared's face as they sped beneath the highway lights and occasional billboard or rest stop, their angles cutting cleanly across the planes of his face, or getting all snarled in the strands of his thick hair.

 _What's going to happen when we get home?_ thought Jensen. The night felt dark and secretive, like a confessional, and all his doubts and fears bubbled up inside him.

_Should we just move right in together? What are we going to say to people? Who are we going to tell? We don't even know what's going on ourselves yet. If this is even really the right thing . . ._

Selfishly, he wanted this to be just for them right now; they had so many questions to deal with, issues to settle. He just wanted to be alone with Jared for a little bit, let them rediscover each other, bask in the joy, before letting the rest of the world in on it.

He took one hand off the steering wheel and reached over, finding Jared's hand lying limply on the seat. Very gently, Jensen placed his hand over Jared's and let it rest there.

_Yes. This is right._

A smile played about his lips, and with another glance at Jared's sleeping form, Jensen found himself driving towards somewhere, rather than away from it.

"Jensen! You look great, buddy! That trip to Texas was a good one, huh? Nice visit with your family?" Ray Whitman, one of the _Carry On_ production assistants, greeted Jensen cheerfully. Jensen nodded, smiling to himself as he thought of the conversation he'd had with his parents and his fantastic reunion with Jared. It had been an awesome trip. When they arrived back in L.A., they had decided to temporarily keep their own homes, but still spend a lot of time together at either house. Jared had slept the last two nights at Jensen's house, and this weekend would be spent at Jared's bungalow.

"Listen, soon as you get settled, the producers want you on set to meet someone--they've decided to introduce a new character, and they want you to meet the leading candidate ASAP, see how the chemistry is, you know? Sound good? Say, hour and a half, by the time you finish with wardrobe and makeup?"

"What? A new character? Wow. Um, yeah, of course, I'll be there soon as I get ready, okay?" Jensen was stunned to hear this. "Ray, who's masterminding this? Bob didn't even hint at anything like this before I left." There hadn't even been any rumors about bringing in a new character. Bob Mettledorf was a stand-up guy and had directed several episodes a season for _Carry On_ , so Jensen found it unnerving not to have heard something was in the wind. Were the producers unhappy with the existing line-up? Was there a shake-up ahead?

Jensen suddenly felt very unsettled, and his stomach started churning around the coffee he'd already had. He hoped it was someone he'd get along with okay--he didn't meant to be self-centric, but sharing long hours on a set with an actor one didn't get along with was fucking miserable. He'd been there and done that.

He went off to makeup, and then to wardrobe, brooding all the way. 

As Melissa worked on his face and hair, he sat there with his eyes closed, thinking. Other than guest stars for a few episodes here and there, they hadn't brought a new recurring character on _Carry On_ in a couple of years. He winced as he thought of it; a new ego to cater to, a new personality to juggle, someone with new corners to fit into existing spaces. He liked his little TV family just the way it was already, but he was a professional. It was the ethic by which he'd lived his entire acting life, so pretty much whatever this person was like, he would just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Maybe whoever it was wouldn't be too bad.

Besides--he got to go home to Jared now. The plan for now was a few nights spent at one home, then at the other. Jensen felt certain they would move in together soon, but after five years and some large issues between them, they wanted to take it a little slow. They were flying below the radar as it was--no announcements, no high visibility outings. No one knew anything yet. Right now, it was their own little bubble, where they rejoiced in being together while working out the remaining issues.

Like, if Jensen was going to come out all the way. If they'd get married. Little details like that.

Ninety minutes later, Jensen walked onto the kitchen set, wearing the face and clothes of Zach Logan, widower and father of two. Kurt Fuller, one of the big producers of the show, and Bob, Jensen's favorite director, were sitting in the Logan breakfast nook over coffee with two women Jensen had never seen before. Both were pretty redheads. One was petite with a slight figure, with dark auburn hair in short waves to her shoulders. She had large, soulful eyes, a narrow chin, and porcelain skin. The other had copper hair that fell past her shoulders and was pinned back from her face. She had an open, ready smile and a frank air to her that Jensen found immediately appealing. Her brown eyes quickly assessed him from top to bottom as soon as they all stood up to shake hands.

Kurt stood up and unctuously introduced the auburn-haired woman first.

"Jensen Ackles, this is our new on-site producer, Julie McNiven--Julie, of course you know who Jensen is."

Julie smiled and shook his hand.

"Of course! Jensen, it's such a pleasure to meet you! I'm looking forward to working with you here on _Carry On_!

Jensen took her hand. It felt cool in his palm, and full of delicate bones, like a bird.

Julie went on to introduce the other redhead. "This is Danneel Harris, Jensen. Say hello to your new wife!" She smiled like she'd announced Santa Claus was coming.

"Wife?" Jensen was unable to conceal the surprise in his voice. "I'm sorry--I just heard we had a new character. No one said it was a wife. Excuse me." He nodded to Danneel. "No reflection on you personally, just--little surprised here!" He looked at Bob. _What the hell?_

Danneel stood up to shake hands with Jensen. She was taller than he expected--shorter than his six foot one, of course, but easily five seven instead of the tiny five two or five three that his usual female co-stars were.

"Jensen, so pleased to meet you. I understand your surprise completely! I'm so sorry you didn't know I was coming, but I'm very excited to be here!"

Her voice was somewhat breathy and sweet, but her enthusiasm seemed genuine. Jensen felt his fears receding. The first impression of his wife-to-be was a good one, despite the shock of her arrival.

Danneel worked hard to mesh with the cast, Jensen was happy to see. Actors who joined a well-established show often thought erroneously that they were the hot new thing. An ensemble show had to adapt around a new cast member, absorb them, and the actor had to adjust to the people and relationships already in place. To have it otherwise was to invite chaos and disruption, which could derail a show in a matter of weeks. Jensen had seen it in some of his previous shows--both _Shadowed Lives_ and _Paradise Lost_ had suffered from that very thing--and he did not want that to happen here.

But Danni ("Danneel, please! Little pretentious, right? Don't know what Mom was thinking there! Just call me Danni!") perused fashion mags with the girls, and laughed over the latest gossip on Twitter with them. She talked the business with the older actors, demonstrating that she had a good grasp of it and a generous portion of common sense. She was unfailingly pleasant to everyone, knew her lines spot-on, and was always punctual for her call time. She had excellent comedic timing and hit her mark gracefully. And finally, she appeared to be unfazed by Jensen's polite but terse conversation, when they weren't interacting with each other in character. He was warming to her, but small talk was just not in his repertoire.

"I gotta say, I think they aced this," Jensen remarked to Jared over dinner one night. They were at Jared's house this week; Jensen loved Jared's little bungalow, with its canopy of shady trees over his flagstone patio and sunken hot tub. They'd grilled chicken and cut it up over pasta, drinking a chilled Chardonnay alongside it. "She is inhabiting her character well, I think we have some good chemistry going, and she's getting along with everyone. Kudos to Julie for finding her!" He forked some pasta into his mouth, closing his eyes to savor the tasty vinaigrette Jared had made.

Jared nodded. "I think that's great, Jen. I loved the show already, but it does warm it up to have your character in a relationship. Are they going to have you guys get married for the season finale?"

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, we're waiting to hear the final word from the writers, but it's sure looking that way. I'm fine with it, nothing's gone off course or anything. And we're still considered a family show, so there's going to be very little in the way of PDA or skin to worry about. A smooch or two here and there, and me lying in bed with a T-shirt on." He winked at Jared, who swatted him with his napkin, even as his cheeks pinked up.

"Good thing, Jen--I don't share well," Jared growled, making Jensen shiver. His lover didn't alpha out that often, but when he did, it was ridiculously hot.

Jensen suddenly decided he'd had enough dinner for the moment. He stood up and grabbed Jared's hand.

"I think I better reassure you of my intentions, Mr. Padalecki. Or maybe you need to reassure me of your ownership." He kissed Jared hotly, squirming against the six foot four pillar of muscle that was his partner. Breaking it off, he murmured, "All I know is someone better reassure me about something pretty fuckin' quick here, or we're going to be testing how private this patio really is!"

Jared's arms grabbed him and lifted; Jensen barely got his legs up and around Jared's waist before Jared was moving them inside.

"No one is seeing you naked but _me_ ," Jared said, still in his sexy, growly voice, hands firmly holding Jensen's ass. "Hang on!"

Jensen hung on.

A few weeks later and a few more episodes in the can, and it was clear how much America liked Danni Harris. And how much they liked the idea of Danni's character, Cynthia, getting together with Zach. Jensen knew what was coming the day he came on set and saw Julie McNiven waiting by the breakfast table, a coffee in her bird-like hand.

"Jensen! How are you?" She waited politely for his response, continuing on the moment he'd spoken.  
"It's clear that the fans love Danni - that they love you and Danni together. The ratings were already good, and they're sky-rocketing now. I have a couple of things I'd like to run past you, if I could. You still have half an hour before they need you in makeup." 

"Um, sure," he answered, his stomach tightening. He didn't like dealing with producers--that's what directors were for. Where was Bob, anyway? He looked around for a second until Julie started talking again.

"Are you looking for Bob? He's checking on the scene with Danni and the kids. That's why we have a little time here."

She moved away from the craft table and motioned to a couple of chairs off to the side. They settled into the seats, Jensen sipping his coffee and wondering what the hell was about to drop.

"I think you can tell from the scripts that we're very interested in having Danni continue here. In fact, Jensen, we'd like to see Zach and Cynthia get married. How do you feel about that?" Her large eyes studied him; their intensity unnerved him.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I saw that coming when you introduced her as my possible wife-to-be, and, uh, I'm fine with it. I think Danni is a terrific actress, and what we're doing is working out really well. So, yeah, I'm thumbs up with that." He nodded and smiled a little. He figured that was it, yet Julie was still staring at him with those lemur eyes. What else was going on? There had to be something beyond the new plotline behind her stare.

"Excellent! I'm really happy to hear that, Jensen! Well, with that in mind, we'd like to plan some promotional events and appearances--make the most of this event for the show. We're not going to do anything like a destination wedding--that's just not our style, right? But off-camera, there are some events coming up that we'd like to have you and Danni attend together. Really cement the image of you two as a couple, you know? Some red carpet appearances, some high profile events. So keep your calendar clear, and we'll get you the dates and times ASAP. Oh, and the network will take care of your clothing, especially for the red carpet--we want you looking your handsomest! Not that that's difficult with you, Jensen!"

She beamed at him before bouncing up from her chair to shake his hand, burbling all the while about clothes and Danni and how _cute_ they were going to look together. 

And then she was gone.

Jensen felt a little dizzy--what the fuck just happened? He got the whole promotional appearance thing; he'd been in Hollywood long enough, cast members did do promo events together, but--was he going to events with _Danni_ like she was his girlfriend in real life?

He didn't think that Jared was going to be happy about this. Not at all.

Danni had a case of butterfingers that day and kept dropping her props, which the crew found amusing but Stan Adams, the guest director of the week, didn't. Jensen tried to run interference a little, but Stan finally turned to him and snapped, "Just stay out of it, Jensen! She doesn't need her fucking boyfriend to make things better!"

Jensen froze. Did they really think he was her boyfriend? Just because he was nice to her and they joked around together? They were co-stars, they were supposed to joke around together! Or did he just mean their characters? And why was a guest director talking to him, a lead on on the show, like that anyway?

It confused and disturbed him. He walked off the set, sitting on the sidelines and playing on his phone until they were ready for him again. Danni sent him apologetic looks that he steadfastly ignored, simply concentrating on his game of Angry Birds. He didn't hold it against her at all, but he was not giving this dickwad any more fuel for that fire.

Bob better the fuck be directing next week.

He groused to Jared about it that night, as Jared lay naked across his bed and Jensen massaged his meaty thighs and sculpted calves. Looking at Jared naked was a mixture of admiring some really beautiful art and feeling like a goddamn horn-dog. Right now, Jensen was in the art zone. The horn-dog phase would follow shortly.

"Just, what the fuck was this bozo thinking? We're co-stars, we're _supposed_ to get along. Has he never seen actors be friends before? Jared, I don't even _touch_ her if the script doesn't call for it."

"He's a dick. They are out there, you know, even on good sets like yours. Why is this one torquing you out so badly, Jen?"

Jensen dug his hands into the back of Jared's thigh, smiling when Jared sighed with pleasure.

"Your legs get so tight, baby. They need me all the time!" He patted the smooth skin in front of him before digging back in again. "I just don't want people thinking that Danni and I are a real couple. That there's anything between us outside of the show."

Jared rolled over, and Jensen was totally distracted by more naked beauty, like that fucking awesome chest, or those ripped abs, or--one of Jensen's favorite parts--those sloping hip cuts, running down his sides into his groin, just in case someone couldn't find their way to target zero. Jared's cock was soft as it lay on his thigh, but Jensen couldn't resist trailing an oh-so-light finger down its length, watching it stir and start to plump under his touch.

"Fuck, Jen, you dick! We were talking! Now I'm gonna wanna _stop_ talking!" Jared laughed and tossed Jensen's hand away from his swelling cock.

"We can stop. I like the turn this discussion is taking," purred Jensen. He wiggled his eyebrows at Jared.

"I bet you do. And I do too. But let's try to focus here a few more minutes--why is this upsetting you so much?"

Jensen sat quietly for a moment, tracing the outline of Jared's quad under his tan skin.

"Because I'm taken. Because I'm yours, Jay. And I don't know how I feel about announcing that I'm gay to the whole world yet, but I don't want to be paired off with my co-star in the public's eye and heart. I just wanted a little time to figure it out for myself. And a little more time with just you."

Jared sat up and reached for Jensen, pulling him close.

"You _are_ mine, Jen, whether or not a dickwad episode director knows it or not. And I hope the day comes soon where you feel that you can announce to the world that we're together. Right now, knowing your family knows and having you not fight yourself anymore is enough for me."

Jared pulled back so he could look into Jensen's eyes.

"I'm not gonna lie, Jensen, I want you to get there--I hope you will get there. Sooner than later, even. I don't want to hide us forever. But right now it's a lot of new shit for you to process, so I'm okay with waiting for a bit."

Jensen didn't know how full his heart could feel, because it constantly seemed like it got fuller and fuller the more time he spent with Jared. He threw his arms around Jared and hugged him as tightly as he could.

"I will, I promise. Just a little time, okay? There's no one like you, Jared. Never was, never will be. I love you."

The dickwads of the television world were forgotten amid the kisses and sighs from the two men as they gave themselves over to pleasuring each other.

It turned out that Bob was on the slate for directing next week. Jensen gave a large mental sigh of relief as he looked his sides over.

A couple of good weeks under his belt, and Jensen was back to feeling completely at home on his set. It was Jared who blew in and shook things up.

"Jensen! Jensen, are you here?"

Jared's deep voice carried down the hallway to Jensen's dressing room. He burst through the door like a Chinook sweeping through the desert.

"Jesus, Jay! What's going on? Are you okay?" Jensen's blood pressure jumped several points, and he grabbed his boyfriend to slow him down. "Jay, what is it?"

Jared put a giant hand on either side of Jensen's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Jensen glanced around--they were alone in his room. The door was half-open, but he didn't see anyone in the hallway. 

"Oh, sorry--I didn't think. Sorry, Jen," said Jared sheepishly.

"It's okay, no one's there. What is it, Jay? You're bouncing like you're on a pogo stick here! Tell me!"

Jared grabbed his shoulders and stared into Jensen's eyes.

"I. Got. The. Movie. The _movie_ , Jen! I'm gonna be Nightwing! _Nightwing!_ WOOHOO!!!!" and Jared caught him up, swinging him around the room. Jensen fleetingly thought that only Jared was big enough to swing six foot one, one eighty-five Jensen around like a stuffed animal.

"JAY! OH MY GOD!" Jensen yelled. "Dude! You're a fucking superhero!"

They clung to each other in jubilation. Jared had auditioned for Thor a few years ago, had made it to the final round even, but ultimately lost it to Chris Hemsworth. Jared had no problem losing the part to Chris--he was a great guy and a solid actor. The rumor was that the deciding factor against Jared had been his bisexuality. There was no proving it, of course. Hollywood could be a tight-lipped town when it wanted to be.

And now, despite being completely out of the closet by his own choice, he was getting a shot at joining the superhero pantheon again. A Batman reboot had been announced, and it would be the first time Nightwing would be a major player alongside Batman, a partner rather than a sidekick. Nathan Fillion had already been cast as the new Bruce Wayne, to resounding fan acclaim, and Jared had been among the final three contenders brought in to read with him.

And he had won.

Finally Jared released Jensen and they both collapsed into chairs. Jensen tossed his boyfriend a water bottle and they clinked to toast.

"I am so fucking proud of you!" Jensen said, feeling like his face was going to split from grinning so widely. Jared grinned just as widely back.

"You know what this means, though? The downside?" Jared said, a more sober expression on his face. "I'm going to be gone for a while. Location shooting starts in two weeks in Tunisia, they've already got a crew scouting locations and setting up a base. At least a week there, a week in Switzerland, and then two weeks in New Zealand. Then we're home to finish in L.A. on the Warner Brothers sound-stages." He looked sadly at Jensen. "That's a long time apart, Jen."

Jensen felt like his stomach was sinking down to the South Pole. _Brave face, asshole,_ he thought grimly. _This is beyond huge for Jared!_ "An actor's life, ya know? It's a month or so--that's nothing. We just came off of five years apart. This is cake."

Jared snorted.

"Yeah, but that was five years of not knowing how much we were missing. Now, we do. Seeing each other almost everyday. Dinner dates. Sundays spent in bed." He leaned forward and took Jensen's hand. "Not gonna lie, Jen, it's going to suck. Missing you is going to feel like a fucking amputation every single day."

Jensen tsked. "You're going to be too busy fighting bad guys and sucking up to Batman to miss me!" he joked. "Just keep it at sucking _up_ to Batman, and not sucking Bat _dick_ , okay?" He gave Jared a little headslap.

"No problem," Jared purred as he grabbed Jensen's hand and pulled him over. "Your dick is so pretty, it has me totally spoiled! No other dick will do now, it's Smeckles-dick or _no_ dick!"

"Shhh! Quiet down, you ass!" Jensen hissed, but he was laughing too. He smacked Jared's chest, only to have Jared tug him in and kiss him quickly.

A knock at the door sent Jensen upright and three feet away. The door was still half open, and Julie walked in with a big smile.

"Hi, Jensen! Oh, are you busy?" She turned to Jared with her hand extended. "Pleased to meet you--Jared? Jared Padalecki? Wow, what a lovely surprise! I loved _Masquerade_ \--the coming to terms with your bisexuality story was so compelling, and you were just terrific in it!"

She turned back to Jensen with a coy look on her face.

"Jensen, I had no idea Jared was visiting our set! I forgot--you two were in a show together once, right? _Supernatural_ , was it? I loved that show! I actually auditioned for it once, back when I was still on the other side of the camera! I think it was to be an angel or something. Didn't make the cut, though." She made a pouty face. "Oh well, I'm in production now, and I love it!"

Jensen was surprised when she mentioned auditioning for _Supernatural_ \--had she been on-set at all? Around them? And what had she seen when she burst into his dressing room just now? He felt very uneasy, and tried to telegraph his discomfort to Jared, but his boyfriend didn't seem to be getting Jensen's telepathic message.

"Wow, Julie, what are the odds, huh? I'm so sorry you didn't get that chance, but now you're here instead! Jensen was just saying how pleased he is to work with you. I hear that you're lining up some promotional appearances with him and Danni?"

"Yes, we are, and I'm quite excited about it. Kurt Fuller has left it up to me to get the wedding hoopla going, and I want to capitalize right away on Danni and Jensen's terrific chemistry. We're going to have a magazine shoot on-set within the next week--Entertainment Weekly is giving us a two-page spread--and then there's some award shows coming up. I definitely want them to attend the PCA's--the People's Choice Awards, you know--and then I think we'll do something fun and funky, like Teen Choice awards over at Nickelodeon. With any luck, we'll grab a nomination or two along the way, but even just having you two together on the red carpet will be fabulous!"

Behind her head, Jensen rolled his eyes at Jared, knowing that Jared understood full well how much Jensen hated this type of thing. Jared slipped him a sympathetic wink.

"That sound pretty exciting, Julie. Try to give Jensen plenty of warning beforehand, he doesn't like to do things on the fly." Jared got up and stretched, giving Jensen all sorts of inappropriate thoughts, especially considering his producer was right there.

"Oh, not to worry," she said. "I understand a whole lot about Jensen. Probably more than he thinks." 

Jensen jerked his head around to look at her. What the hell did _that_ mean?

Julie smiled prettily at Jared before turning to Jensen and patting him on the arm. 

"Don't worry, I have everything all figured out. I know just how it's going to play out, Jensen. You leave everything to me."

She walked out the door, shutting it behind her.

Jensen looked at Jared, eyes wide.

"Dude, what the fuck was that at the end?"

Jared shook his head, his face puzzled.

"I don't know know, dude. But you might wanna start watching your back a little. I didn't like the vibe I was getting off of her."

Shooting went on at its regular pace for the next two weeks. Jared packed for his trip, panicked over leaving Jensen, regained his composure, repacked. The night before he left, they spent together at his bungalow. Jensen made steak fajitas and they had cold Landsharks with half a bottle of Patron gold. Jared kissed and licked Jensen everywhere before fucking him silly on the rattan chaise, and later in bed, they sixty-nined deliciously, cocks thrusting down each others' throats as they whimpered and moaned in unison.

Now they lay entwined on Jared's dark brown sheets, looking at the shifting shadows the trees cast on the walls in the moonlight, bodies cooling from their passion.

"Jen . . ." Jared whispered, trailing his fingers through Jensen's hair. ". . . move in with me when I get back."

Jensen's heart soared. It had been hard at times to go slowly, take their time; to let their relationship balance itself out and find its level. They both felt it was worth that effort. They wanted to build something lasting this time, something forever. There was no rush beyond their own want.

This declaration was the prize, the reward for going slowly. Jared felt ready. Jensen had felt ready for a little while, but hadn't wanted to put any pressure on Jared. And now they were at the same place at the same time. They were both ready.

"Yeah," Jensen agreed quietly. "Yeah, that sounds good."


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

The first week seemed like an eternity. Jensen thought back to his life before Jared, and realized what a gray existence he'd led back then. Jared infused his world with warmth and color and animation. These first few days, Jensen pretty much tried to fool himself about Jared not really being gone, but when nighttime came, he was alone in bed, and there was no fooling about that.

He and Danni had the Entertainment Weekly spread to shoot, though, so that occupied some time. The EW photographers shot a lot of pictures of the main house set, and then shot a bunch of little scenes, like Jensen and Danni cooking breakfast in the kitchen, or lounging on the couch with mimosas, and so on. It was set up to look spontaneous and fun, but in reality, it was very, very tedious. Plus the mimosas were fake.

The second week Jared was gone, Jensen found out he and Danni would in fact be attending the People's Choice Awards together. While they were not presenting anything, they would walk the red carpet and give interview tidbits. Jensen had to go suit-shopping with a stylist from the show--this wasn't a tux-appropriate event, but he had to wear something very fashionable and cutting-edge.

Really, he just wanted to wear one of his favorite rock T-shirts and the jeans that were all frayed at the knees.

Jensen said something off-handedly to Julie about that wish, and she practically had a stroke. She insisted on accompanying him along with the stylist after that, like she didn't trust him to pick something appropriate.

They ended up at the Dolce & Gabbana showroom, where Jensen tried on a dozen suits. He was bored silly after the first four, but grimly kept putting on the next suit shoved into his dressing room. Julie was so pushy that he counted himself lucky she left him alone to change.

Eventually they all agreed on a very modern-cut suit with a closely fitted jacket and skinny pants. Jensen had to admit the cut looked great on him, making the most of his broad shoulders, trim waist, and his bowed legs that apparently drove people nuts. God knew Jared loved those legs wrapped around him . . . Jesus, he could _not_ get a boner in these pants, there was no hiding it with this tight fit. He thought about his parents having sex instead, and was able to leave the dressing room after just a couple of minutes.

Julie and Devra, the stylist, both ooh-ed and ah-ed at his appearance. In addition to the very flattering cut, the color looked sensational on Jensen. It was very, very dark green--in low light, it might even look black, but in the bright lights of the red carpet, the green hue would be subtle but evident. It made Jensen's eyes even more vibrant and flattered his skin tone. They decided he would wear it with a black silk shirt, no tie, and black belt, shoes, and pocket square. Done.

Jensen was enormously relieved both to have the shopping over, and to be wearing something he felt good in. The Teen Choice Awards should be less of an ordeal, as that was a much funkier, more laid-back event.

The night of the PCAs arrived, and Jensen was duly fetched by a studio limo, who then went to pick up Danni. She walked out of her apartment building in a gold lame halter sheath and jeweled gold high heel sandals, which played up her figure and her beautiful copper hair.

"Wow!" Jensen said as she was seated in the limo. "You look gorgeous! Beautiful dress, Danni!"

She preened a moment, then complimented him on his outfit as well. They made small talk as they were driven to the venue. She was quite nervous--she had not done many red carpet appearances before. 

"What if I trip? What if I swear?" she worried while they were still inside the limo.

Jensen knew she had the mouth of a sailor, but he told her not to worry. "If you swear, everyone will think it's funny and charming. If you trip, well, Jennifer Lawrence has already been there and done that, right?" He patted her hand. "Not to worry. I'm not a pro at this, but I did a number of these back in my soap days, not to mention since. Stick close to me if you want to, but you'll be fine."

They disembarked at the starting point of the media trail and slowly traversed the length of the carpet, stopping at the various stations to talk to E!, Entertainment Weekly, TMZ, and other social media and entertainment sites, answering over and over again who their designers were, how much they loved working together on _Carry On_ , how they were excited about the wedding/finale, and so on. Halfway through, Danni slipped her hand into Jensen's and he squeezed it; he could feel the tremor that betrayed her nerves. He held onto it, wanting to support her.

Eyes blinded by a thousand flashes and lips stiff from endless smiles, they finally were able to enter the theater itself. The presentations themselves were fairly interesting to watch, as Jensen knew many of the people either presenting or nominated for awards. He and Danni traded comments during the show, often tipping their head to hear whispers from each other.

The last award presented, the last round of applause given, they stood and waited to exit the theater.

"Do we have to go to a party now? Julie was saying we should," Danni asked. "I'm ready to just get this glad rag off me and hit the hay!" She yawned just as they came out of the theater and into the barrage of paparazzi flashbulbs.

"Jensen! Danneel! Are you two dating in real life?" Several other questions were being shouted at them, but that was the one Jensen could make out amidst the roar. He put his hand up so he could try to see beyond the flashes of light popping on and off.

"Danneel and I are co-stars who are also lucky enough to be friends. As representatives of Artimax Studios and as friends, we attended the PCAs together tonight. Tomorrow, we'll be co-stars filming together on a great show. Thank you."

Jensen guided Danni to the waiting limo, and they climbed in and shut the doors with relief.

"God, they're always so pushy," Jensen groaned. He rubbed his face and sighed.

"I didn't expect that somehow," said Danni. "The dating question really surprised me."

"Par for the course--they always want to find romance, even if there isn't any to be found. They'll quiet down."

But they didn't. Pictures of Jensen and Danni holding hands on the red carpet were published everywhere. The video clip of their exit and Jensen fielding the dating question was all over the entertainment news, shot from three different angles. Overnight, it seemed, Jensen and Danni were a hot gossip topic.

Jensen ignored it as much as possible. He sent Jared an email briefly mentioning how he and Danni were facing a flurry of questions about them dating, but that he'd tried to shut it down immediately. Between the distance, the isolation, and the filming schedule of _Secrets of Arkham_ , communication with Jared had been brief and unsatisfying. Jensen just hoped Jared got his email and wasn't just seeing all the pictures of Danni and him posing together.

The wedding was only two episodes away, but the Teen Choice awards were now at hand. Julie dragged Jensen out shopping again. This time he had to try on two dozen pairs of seemingly identical jeans and almost as many shirts. T-shirt? Button-down? Sweater? Jensen groaned as he pulled them all on again and again.

The final choice was form-hugging black jeans and a vintage Metallica t shirt. Jensen had to say the rust-colored clingy T-shirt looked great stretched across his chest and shoulders, and the jeans made his legs look almost as long as Jared's. Plus it was all far more comfortable than any tux could ever be.

When the limo pulled up to his house, he was surprised to enter the back seat and find Kurt Fuller seated there, sipping bourbon from a cut glass tumbler.

"Uh, hi, Kurt. Are you my date tonight?" Jensen thought he'd try humor first. Kurt was a slippery customer to try for a read on.

Kurt looked at him flatly--nope, no humor to be found in those pale blue eyes.

"Haha, very funny, Ackles. I wanted to go over a few things on the way to the awards. We're picking Danni up as well. Sit back and settle in."

Jensen felt awkward sitting next to Kurt's incredibly expensive, navy blue suit while wearing his vintage T-shirt and jeans. He wished for a stiff drink himself, but felt uncomfortable drinking in front of Fuller, despite the other man already pouring his second. Instead, he settled for opening a water bottle, still chilly and wet from the built-in cooler.

"Okay, Kurt. What's up? What do you want to talk about with Danni and me?"

"About the two of you. You two are really heating up the show, and we're all very excited about the wedding. There's a lot of time, energy, and money being pumped into _Carry On_ right now, Jensen, to make sure this all works out well, and I need to make sure you understand the depth of our investment."

Jensen blinked. He'd always had a healthy appreciation of the business aspect of show business. Artistic integrity was important, but integrity without backing spelled unemployment.

"Sure, Kurt, of course. I'm aware of the business aspect, I get the importance of it. I know this is a big move for the show, and Danni and I both want to do our best to make it work."

"Do you, Jensen?" Kurt's pale eyes bored into Jensen, and he felt very cold in the limo's climate-controlled interior.

_What the fuck is this pompous windbag getting at? I know the score, I know how the game works. What is it that he wants?_

"Yeah, Kurt, I really think I do. I'm not exactly a novice here. I understand that shows have to make money to be successful. I know sponsors are important, and that deals have to be made. I know there are a lot of people making their living creating this show." _Don't get snarky, Jen. He's trolling for something . . . gotta figure out what it is._

"Exactly!" Kurt exclaimed, waving an exuberant hand. "You wouldn't _believe_ how many actors don't understand that! They think it's all about their abs, or which starlet of the week they're banging, and what new car they can go speeding around town in. They don't think about the other members of the cast. They don't think about the electricians or the grips or the makeup girls. Hundreds of people, all working to create the illusion, the _story_ , that America tunes in to watch every Thursday at nine p.m.! But _you do,_ Jensen. You do." Kurt finished off his drink with a satisfied sigh. "I knew you'd understand, son."

He patted Jensen's knee.

A chill ran through Jensen at Kurt's touch, and he wished he'd brought a jacket.

_Is he really insinuating what I think he's insinuating?_

"So, Kurt, I just want to make sure I understand you correctly--"

"Oh, you understand me just fine, Jensen. I know there's a smart cookie behind that pretty face. You well know how much rides on presentation, and what the cost can be."

Kurt set his glass down and looked at Jensen with cold eyes.

"Play ball, boy. That's all you have to do is play ball."

He looked out of the limo's window.

"Ah, we've arrived at the lovely Miss Harris' house. I think you can convey my thoughts to her, can't you? I'll be leaving you two lovebirds now, my own car and driver are already waiting here."

"What--" Jensen was dumbfounded at Kurt's abrupt departure. Kurt disembarked from the limo, greeting Danni courteously. She looked shocked at Kurt's appearance on her sidewalk.

"Have a lovely night, Danni. You look absolutely ravishing."

Kurt walked up the sidewalk a couple of houses when a BMW pulled up next to him. He got in with a little wave to the limo before he disappeared inside. Jensen and Danni watched the Beemer pull away and drive off.

The limo shifted into gear and moved ahead. Danni looked at Jensen with wide eyes.

"What was _that_ all about? Why was Kurt here?"

Jensen drank some water in an attempt to quell the nausea churning in his stomach.

"He's got some . . . plans for us. I'll . . . I'll fill you in later, okay?"

Danni's face was grave as she regarded Jensen.

"Well, that doesn't sound good."

She reached for the bar and poured a couple of fingers of vodka into a glass. Tossing it back smoothly, she closed her eyes and wrinkled her nose as she swallowed. Jensen couldn't help laughing.

"Ahh!" she said as she opened her eyes. "Okay, now I'm ready. Bring it!"

She grasped Jensen's hand, and he put his other one over hers. They stayed that way for the rest of the drive.

The orange carpet of the Teen Choice Awards was as packed as the earlier PCAs had been, with the addition of a large under-18 contingent of fans and stars alike. Jensen and Danni trod the designated path, pausing frequently for pictures. Danni looked sensational in a ripped-neck tie-dye top that left one shoulder bare and had strategic slashes at her midriff, along with skin-tight faded blue jeans and sandals. Her hair was up in a messy bun with little curly tendrils falling around her face. Jensen thought that if he were straight, he'd have found her delectable. 

They held hands again; this time it felt less like just reassuring Danni and more about presenting themselves as a unified front. They were going to deal with this together.

Whatever "this" really was.

Happily, their seats were several rows from the stage, so they escaped being slimed. Less happily, they were scheduled to attend a high-visibility post-show party. It turned out to be more fun than he'd expected. Jensen circulated with a beer in his hand, enjoying the music, chatting with friends sprinkled in the crowd. Everyone was dressed fun and funky, eliminating the stuffy feel that formal parties often had, and he decided that it felt good to relax a bit. He hadn't even realized how tense he was all the time now. Between constantly missing Jared so badly and feeling this vague pressure building from the powers-that-be, he was always on edge.

"Jensen, what can you tell us about you and Danni?" A microphone with the Nickelodeon logo on it was thrust into his face. "You guys look really tight tonight. Got any news for us?"

Jensen pushed the mic aside. "Nothing to say, on or off the record. We're co-stars and friends, end of story."

The party was soured for him by the intrusion. Jensen went looking for Danni to see if she needed a ride home. She was dancing, and when she saw him, she pulled him onto the dance floor and wrapped her arms around his neck. He let himself dance with her for a few minutes, but bright flashes nearby let him know that they were being documented, and it broke his mood again.

"I'm outta here--you need a lift?" he said into her ear. Her hair tickled his nose, and he batted at it.

"Yeah, I'm good. Let's go."

More flashes as they headed for the exit and waited for the limo. Jensen tried to ignore the cameras as much as he could, but his irritation was mounting. Danni apparently picked up on it, as she slipped an arm around his waist and rubbed his back.

Finally the limo arrived, and they departed. Once inside, Jensen immediately opened the Patron and took a good swig. He offered it to Danni, who shook her head and reached for the vodka again instead. They had a couple of quiet drinks as they were driven back to Danni's condo.

Thankfully, no one was there, and they went up to her place. Jensen hadn't even asked, but she seemed perfectly comfortable with his joining her.

Her condo was homey and comfortable without being overly fancy or fussy. Jensen flopped onto the couch while Danni went into the kitchen. She came back out with two tall glasses of ice water and a bowl of chips in the crook of her elbow.

"Let's get some water in us so we don't have hangovers tomorrow, have a little snack, maybe have another drink. And, Jensen, we need to talk."

Talk they did. During the chips and water, during the drink that came after, they talked. Jensen told her everything Julie and Kurt had said. He told her about the vague feeling of pressure concerning their roles on and off-camera. He told her of the veiled insinuations Kurt made. 

"Something is building up here, but I'm not completely sure what it is. It's just all so unclear right now. How can I-- _we_ \--fight something that's so insubstantial at the moment?"

Danni nodded, sitting up straight from her reclined position, her elbows propped up on her knees.

"I don't get it. Of course we're going to promote the show. Of course we'll be doing work together. It's got to be more than just that. What else is Kurt driving at?"

Jensen rubbed his face. The late hour was kicking in.

"I don't know anything more than what I've told you. I just feel like you should know what's happened so far so you can be ready for whatever is coming. But now, I gotta go home and crash. I'm flayed."

He got up and stretched.

"Thanks for everything, Danni. You're a peach to hash this out with me."

She got up as well, coming over to Jensen and hugging him.

"Of course! We gotta stay a team on this. Keep me posted if you have any more little discussions with either Kurt or Julie, okay? I'll do likewise."

"You got it, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head.

She saw him out, and he rode the elevator down, mulling the evening over. He stepped out of the elevator and opened the lobby door to go outside.

Flashes blinded him. He froze outside the door, confused about what was going on.

_What? What the hell was this? Why were there paparazzi here?_

"Jensen! Jensen! Why are you leaving Danni's at 3:30 a.m.?"

"Jensen! Over here!"

"Hey, Jensen! Are you and Danni having an affair?"

"Jensen! Jensen Ackles! Are you sleeping with your co-star?"

_What the everloving fuck was going on?_

"No! We're not having an affair, or sleeping together. We're friends and actors who work on the same show!"

He began to shove his way through the paps. The limo was parked across the parking lot, and he headed toward it, even as its lights flared on and the engine turned over.

"Jensen, come on! Hot chick like that, you're at her house in the middle of the night, and you expect us to believe you aren't schtupping her?" Raucous laughter and agreement from the rest of the paps.

He whirled on them, anger surging.

"I _expect_ you to respect us and not make sordid lies up about us! We. Are. Friends. Friends hang out. I'da thought you would know that if you had any friends, but I guess that being low-life paparazzi scum, you don't! Now leave us the fuck alone!"

He turned around and found that the limo had pulled up next to him, so he was able to hop in and slam the door. The limo sped away. 

He texted Danni about the pap run-in from the back seat of the limo. They'd agreed to keep communication open about this kind of shit; besides, he didn't know if her neighbors would be pissed about the uproar.

Finally walking into his own bedroom, he collapsed onto the bed, feeling absolutely drained. This was craziness. This was nuts. He wasn't some A-list movie star with a new woman every week, like George fucking Clooney. Who cared what he did?

And who had tipped the paps that he was at Danni's?

Who even _cared_ that he was at Danni's?

He had no idea what time it was at Jared's location, but he sent him an email that tersely recapped the evening's events. God, what was Jared going to think if he saw the lurid headlines from tonight?

_Jay, please know how much I love you. I don't know what's going on, but Danni and I both feel that we are being manipulated somehow--we just don't know why. She and I have become very good friends, but only friends. You are the only person I've ever felt this way about, and being in this relationship with you is the most important thing in my life. Please, darlin', please trust me and trust in my love for you._

_I miss you so much it hurts. I'm so glad filming is going well, from what I hear, but please--please come home to me as soon as you can. I can't wait for us to finish making our plans to live together once you are home._

_Love you, Jay_

_Jen_

He felt a little better after sending it, but it was an effort to strip off his clothes and get under the covers. His limbs felt like lead, and his spirit was sore.

After tossing and turning for an hour, he got up. He got a glass of water and drained it, taking a couple of Tylenol for good measure. All he could think about was Jared--his big, beautiful body, his warm smile, how calming his hands felt on Jensen, when they weren't driving him wild with excitement. Despite the years they'd been apart, Jared was already his lodestone again, the fulcrum Jensen needed. Jared's absence was an ache in Jensen's very body.

He walked over to his dresser and opened a drawer, rummaging through the clothes inside it. He nodded as he drew out a box. He took it to the bed, getting back in and putting the box next to him. The faint light from outside just showed the inlaid pattern of the wooden box.

Jensen flipped the lid open and ran a finger over the object shining inside. The silver and copper cuff contrasted starkly against the black velvet in which it was cushioned. Its curve was soothing to Jensen's eyes, and he ran his fingers over it a few more times. His eyes finally began to close as memories played in his mind.

_The beach at the Outer Banks. Back when it all started, the two of them. Jared, Jensen, the sand, the ocean. So easy, those first days of love and exploration._

_And the day they went to Ocracoke Island, ice cream, shopping . . . Jensen finding the two cuffs, and thinking--this is for us._

_Giving one to Jared . . . Jared's happy tears._

_Then the pain, the parting, the loneliness, loneliness that Jensen almost didn't think he was going to survive._

_Until he watched Jared on Ellen. Jared, openly discussing his bisexuality with Ellen, gorgeous, funny, brave._

_And wearing the cuff Jensen had given him._

Jensen sighed contentedly. Jared would come back.

Jared would come home. And Jensen would be waiting.

He slept.

"Jensen, watch out on set today. Fuller and his little bitch Julie are here today, and they don't look too happy."

"What? What are they doing here?"

The confusion lingering from the paparazzi debacle after the Teen Choice Awards flared anew as Jensen digested Wendy's news. He sat and pondered, while she applied his makeup for today's shooting. 

_Why are Kurt and Julie here, and why are they pissed? What's the connection with the other night?_

Jensen sighed and wished he had a crystal ball so that he could see what was going on. Wendy patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"I don't know what's up, Jensen, but I'd say, keep your head down." She nodded emphatically. "I don't know if you know this, but Fuller has been known to blow up shows that he's not happy with. Like--ka-boom!" She mimed an explosion with her hands, her eyes big. "He's as slick as they come, and pretty sly too--a real weasel, from what I've seen and heard. You can't trust him at all."

She shook her head sadly as she combed her fingers through Jensen's hair to get Zach Logan's messy spikes. For a second, it made Jensen think of how Jared loved to skritch his fingers through Jensen's hair and over his scalp. The longing for his lover almost made him choke with its intensity.

"Okay, you're all set! Get get 'em, Jensen!"

She squeaked in surprise as Jensen stood up and hugged her spontaneously.

"I will, Wendy. And . . . thanks for the scoop." He laid a finger alongside his nose, and she giggled and did the same.

"Anytime, Jensen. You're a terrific actor, and you're fantastic to work with. I'd hate for Fuller to dynamite us. We've got a great family here."

"Yeah, we do." He saluted her and left the makeup room. Walking toward the set, he mused over Wendy's words. _Kurt . . . weasel . . . family . . . dynamite . . . . trust . . . ka-boom . . . what is he doing? What does he want?_ Jensen grimaced with the effort of deducing Kurt's plans.

_Jesus, Jared, wish you could help me, need you so bad . . ._ Jensen just about fell to his knees, want and need and sorrow swamping him in one sudden, massive wave. He sagged against the wall, fighting back tears of anger and longing and frustration.

_Guess I picked the wrong week to stop drinking . . . guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue . . ._

He barked a laugh. The lines from _Airplane_ never failed to help him regain a little perspective. No matter what happened, no matter how bad things were, that was a line he'd never cross again. He enjoyed liquor and beer, but he always kept a firm handle on why and when and how much he drank. He never wanted to revisit those alcohol-sodden years of his career again.

_Okay, bucko, time to get your shit together and get out there. Do your job, and fuck the Kurts of the world. You and Danni and everyone else here will figure it out and keep any bad shit from happening. For now? Go out there and act your ass off._

He straightened up, took a deep breath, plastered a big grin on his face, and strode onto the set.

Jared re-read the last email from Jensen for the fiftieth time. He was in his Nightwing costume, sitting in a director's chair alongside Nathan Fillion. They were waiting for the call to shoot a scene, but various technical gizmos had to be adjusted first. Jared mused that filming a big movie like this was basically alternating really fun, exciting moments with really tedious, boring moments.

God, he missed Jensen so fucking much. They were never doing this again. Filming in different places State-side was doable, but this overseas crap? No. If one went, both would go. He was even past the point of being able to jerk off anymore, he missed his lover so badly. He was going to finish this goddamn movie with goddamn blue balls. 

He shifted in his chair as he thought that, his cock twitching at the thought of Jensen. His athletic cup didn't allow room for that sort of activity, though, so Jared tried to unobtrusively adjust it. Unfortunately, wearing a skintight black catsuit with some strategic rubber pieces on it did not lend itself to "unobtrusive", which point was proven by Nathan's laughter.

"You okay there, Jared? In a bit of a bind, are ya?"

Jared rolled his eyes. His early awe of Nathan had quickly tempered to simple respect for the man and appreciation for his snarky, dorky sense of humor. Adulation met reality quickly on a long shoot in far-flung countries, between iffy facilities, erratic weather, and long hours in front of the camera. Nathan had proved to be sensible, funny, and warm.

"Yeah, uh, just a little . . . pinch. God save me from spandex bodysuits! Jesus!"

He managed to shift things enough to relieve the pinch. Nathan snickered.

"It's tough when you think about something you shouldn't, given the circumstances." Nathan winked. "Of course, we have to suffer for our art, stuck here in a foreign land, far from our loved ones . . . " He sighed dramatically.

"Yeah, well, my _loved one_ is texting me about some jack-ass producer who's starting to be a real asshole, and for no apparent reason." Jared respected Jensen's wish for privacy until the time he felt ready to come out to the business. Nathan knew that Jared was in love and in a committed relationship, but not who with. He never pressed Jared about it. It was that kind of quiet regard that Jared found so admirable about his co-star.

"Who's the producer?" Nathan asked casually, as he played Candy Crush on his phone. "Aw, shit!"

Jared snickered. "Give it up, my man. I'll take you on in Words with Friends anytime!" More soberly, he said, "Some studio troll named Kurt Fuller. He's got a redheaded chick working for him called, um, Julie. Julie McNiven."

Nathan clicked his game off and put his phone down. "Really? Kurt Fuller? Are you sure that's who it is?"

Jared felt a little chill at Nathan's abrupt attention. "Yeah, yeah, it's right here in the email. Kurt Fuller. Why?"

Nathan shook his head. "I gotta tell you, Jared, that guy is a real asshole. He's a wily, sneaky bastard; manipulative as they come, and with no regard for anyone. And once he's decided he doesn't like you? He's your enemy. If that's who your sweetheart is dealing with, well--I gotta say, I think it's a threat to take seriously."

He got up from his tall director's chair and started walking around the canopy they were waiting under. 

"I had a friend who was on a show Fuller produced, and she ticked him off. Not totally sure what happened, but I suspect he made a move on her--he's one of those asshats that think talent means fuckable--and she turned him down. Her show didn't make it to the end of the season, and it wasn't because of the ratings. And that? That's just one story. I've heard others that end just as badly."

He laughed bitterly. "Don't know if you'd remember this one, but after _Firefly_ got thrown on the trash heap? One of the producers, Tim Minear, he put me right into another show, _Drive_. A secret cross-country race, lots of mystery and characters with secrets. And cars.

Jared nodded vigorously. "Yeah! I loved that show! I was so pissed when --" He stared at Nathan. " _Seriously?_ "

Nathan nodded. "Yup. Minear and Fuller had some kind of run-in, and Minear wouldn't, uh, what was the phrase? Oh! Play ball. He wouldn't "play ball", and _Drive_ didn't make it to ten episodes."

Jared felt a jolt of recognition. "Jesus, Nathan, I've heard that phrase. One of the emails--it said Kurt wanted them to "play ball." So he really could be bringing pressure to bear on the cast, make them do what he wants? Like they're fucking puppets? Crap!"

Nathan put a hand on Jared's arm. "Hang on, let's not go off half-cocked. See if you can find out some more specifics. And, Jared, if there's anything more you want to tell me, please know that I will guard your privacy as it if were my own." He looked hard at Jared, who couldn't help blushing.

"Nathan, what I can tell you? I think you already know I'm bi, although I lean more toward men, and I've been out for a while. It's not a secret. My partner, though, he's not ready to come out yet, and I have to respect him on that. I'm trusting that one day soon he'll be ready, but I'm not going to--I can't--break my word on this."

With a nod and a firm squeeze on Jared's arm, Nathan replied, "I respect that, Jared. I hope when that day comes, you'll count me among your friends and supporters, son."

Jared felt a great sense of relief and comfort both from Nathan's words and from expressing his worry about Jensen, and he got up to grab the man in a clumsy hug. They thumped each other on the back and broke apart laughing.

"These suits were not made for human contact!" Nathan chortled.

"Nope, that's for sure!" Jared agreed as he laughed.

They caught their breath, still smiling, and then a production assistant came to tell them their presence was now required on set.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

"Another ep wrapped," Danni said as she plopped down on Jensen's couch in his dressing room. "I know we have to get ahead for a one-hour wedding episode, but damn, this is a pretty brisk pace!" She opened her water bottle and took a healthy swig.

"Seriously," Jensen agreed. He was pooped. "At least we've been spared Baldy the last couple of days."

"Yeah, but Julie keeps popping out of corners and scaring the shit out of me."

There was a knock on the door, and Danni jumped. "If that's her now, I'm going to think this place is bugged!" she hissed.

Jensen rolled his eyes and opened the door.

Julie stood there with a big, fake smile on.

Jensen looked at Danni, aghast.

She shrugged back and mouthed _told you so!_

Julie said, "Well, can I come in?" and pushed her way into the room. Behind her, Jensen mouthed _creepy!_ , making Danni giggle and then clap a hand over her mouth.

"It's so cute when couples get that whole secret language thing going," Julie cooed. She smiled at Danni, then at Jensen. This time, it was Danni's turn to make a face behind Julie's head.

"Now, you two, it's almost time for the wedding, so I have some events lined up for you to appear at. There's a video game premiere tomorrow night, and then the wrap party on Friday, but there won't be a much media there, just some studio PR peeps to take some pictures and all. Saturday, Jensen, you have a big talk show interview! Just Jensen for that, sorry, Danni. Now, I know it's a lot, but we just have to capitalize on all the excitement! Jensen, you'll drive to the party, picking up Danni along the way, of course--it wouldn't do to arrive without your date! And then the limo will drive you to the talk show."

Jensen rubbed a hand behind his neck, trying to work out the tension that had hit as soon as Julie walked in.

"Julie, I have a couple of things I gotta say here. First off, we are shooting extra scenes until the wedding is completed, so three events in the same week is a lot to add to our schedule. Danni and I are _tired_. Second," and he held up a hand as Julie started to speak. " _Second,_ Danni is my co-star. She is my friend. She is _not_ my date. She is _not_ my girlfriend. We are _not_ a couple. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He glared at Julie, who had opened her mouth again, pointing a finger at her as he bit off his words.

"I'm. Not. Done. I want to know what the hell happened the other night, after the Teen Choice Awards. Why did we get papped when we left the party? And what was with the media zoo outside Danni's place when I left? For that matter, who even knew that I was _there,_ , Julie? 'Cause someone had to tip them off, and it wasn't her and it sure as fuck wasn't me!"

His voice thundered in the dressing room as he finished. Julie's eyes were the size of saucers, and her already-pale skin was white.

"Jensen--I don't know, this is all--you can't think I had something to do with all that!" She pressed a trembling hand to her throat.

Jensen looked at her, wondering if he'd gone too far, come on too strong. He didn't mean to terrorize her; he was just so angry. He flicked his gaze to Danni, sitting like a statue on the sofa. She gave him a tiny nod as if to say _go on . . . I've got your back_. He nodded back to her and turned back to Julie.

He was quick enough to see the sly look slide off Julie's face as the terrified one returned.

Her voice rang in his memory. _Supernatural . . . I loved that show! I actually auditioned for it once, back when I was still on the other side of the camera! I think it was to be an angel, or something. Didn't make it, though._

He'd forgotten she was a fucking actress once.

She must have seen his face change, because she suddenly ran for the door. Jensen got there first, slamming it shut and leaning against it with one arm as he looked down at Julie.

"Yeah, you got me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice--well, you ain't fooling me twice. Now you sit down on that fucking couch, and you tell me what the _fuck_ is going on!"

Julie nodded and slunk over to the couch, where she hesitantly sat down next to Danni. Danni gave her a big, wide, toothy smile that made Julie shrink back from her.

"Aw, Julie, don't be like that! Let's you and me have some girl-talk, 'kay?" Danni's voice was like poisoned honey.

Julie's fear morphed into defiance. "Listen, you guys can't do anything to me! So just leave me alone! Kurt isn't gonna like it if you mess with me! And you do _not_ want him angry at you! He'll end you without missing a beat!" Julie glared at Danni and Jensen both, her arms clutching her yellow leather iPad case.

"Why would he want to end us, Julie?" asked Danni sweetly. She started petting Julie's luxuriant auburn hair. "Your hair is so pretty. Is this red natural? Why would Kurt want to hurt us? Aren't we making his show all popular and successful?"

Jensen was curious about this too. Why would Kurt want to sabotage his own moneymaker?

"He doesn't! That's not what he wants! You guys have this all wrong!" Julie pulled her hair away from Danni's hands. "He wants it to be even _more_ successful!"

Jensen sat down, still studying Julie. "Go on."

She took a deep breath and let it out. "You guys are so stupid! It's you two and the wedding! Ratings have soared since Danni came on and you two got together. The wedding is huge. And so Kurt thought--well, why not make it _real?_ Make the two of you real? You know, a couple in real life?" Her face looked dreamy. "Just think what _that_ would do to the show's ratings! And you two, you'd be so famous. Total A-list!"

Julie snapped out of her little dream and looked at them. "It's not a stretch, you know. You two are already tight. You hang out together. You look amazing together. Why not just go with it? Even just for a while? Even Kurt wouldn't make you actually get married for real if you didn't want to, but--why not just play it, you know?" She looked over at Jensen and back to Danni. "What's to lose?"

Jensen was floored. They'd been little rats in Kurt Fuller's maze, unknowingly being guided towards a big ol' chunk of fake cheese. One look at Danni's face showed she felt the same.

_Jesus._

_Jared, this is so fucked up. God, I want to talk with you. Want you to tell me what to do here._

"Why not, Julie? Do you really have to ask that?" Jensen stood up and started to pace. "How about because that's not how Danni and I feel about each other? How about because we're real people with real feelings and real lives, not fictional characters that get pushed around a set? How about because Kurt fucking Fuller has no goddamn right to manipulate people's _lives_ like this? How about _that,_ huh?"

Julie's skin was pasty-white again, and she looked close to tears.

"I'm sorry . . . he had all these ideas, and I guess . . . I guess I got caught up in them. I wasn't thinking about . . . like, what you and Danni would think. I thought you guys would really fall in love. You're always so happy together, and Jensen, you haven't dated anyone in years. Everyone knows that. It looks so real out there."

Danni leaned close to her and whispered loudly, "It's called _acting,_ you stupid bitch."

Julie started crying.

Jensen scrubbed his face with his hands. _What a fucking mess._

"Let her go. You can go, Julie." He caught her arm as she started toward the door. "The paps stop. I'm not going to confront Kurt yet, but you stay out of it as much as you can. And if anything else starts to happen, you _tell_ me, you understand?"

She nodded vigorously.

"Go."

As the door closed behind her, Jensen collapsed on the couch next to Danni. They hugged tightly for a few minutes.

"Here, have some water" she said handing him a cold bottle. He drank it thirstily. his throat dry from tension and anger.

"What the hell, Danni? Who thinks like that?" he asked. "Who thinks people are just toys, like they can do whatever they want with them?"

She shook her head. "Got me, Jen. Frankly, at the very least, why didn't he just _ask_ us about it? Not that we would have gone along with it anyway, but it's not like there _aren't_ pretend relationships in Hollywood. Sometimes it's like this--they want to make the most of a popular couple with good chemistry for ratings. Sometimes it's bearding--someone's gay, but it looks better if they don't appear to be."

She cleared her throat. "You know, Jen, your friend Jared is out, right? I'm sure it's been suggested to him in the past that he beard. Help his image as a romantic lead, you know? Sometimes it's a mutual bearding - gay guy, hot lesbian, they match up for a while as the perfect couple. Happens a lot more than people think."

Jensen's stomach churned. Did Kurt suspect, perhaps? Is that why he was pushing this fake relationship? And had Jared ever considered that before--getting a fake girlfriend?

What if he were actually out? How much leverage would that take away from assholes like Kurt Fuller who wanted to manipulate him? How much stronger might that make him, after all?

He looked into Danni's clear brown eyes. He saw nothing but affection. 

_Gotta start somewhere, champ. Why not with someone you trust?_

"Danni, can I tell you something? I mean, we're friends, right?"

She nodded, her face worried.

"Of course we are. Are you okay, Jensen?"

He shook his head and laughed a little bitterly.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Just--I'm gay, Danni. I'm not out except to my family, but I'm gay. And Jared--he's not just a friend. He's my boyfriend. We're moving in together as soon as he gets back from filming in fuckin' Timbuktu or wherever the hell he's filming right now."

She bounced up off the couch and hugged him. 

"Oh my God, I'm so happy for you! That's so wonderful!" She pulled back to look at him with a smile. "The moving in part, that is. I can't speak for the gay part." She winked. "I will say that you sure know how to pick 'em! Jared is . . . . RAWR!"

He laughed, scooping her up and swinging her around. It hadn't been that bad at all. And sure, not everyone everywhere would react with the love and happiness she had, but hey--fuck them.

Jensen set Danni down and hugged her hard.

"Damn, girl, if I was straight? I totally would have fallen for you." He kissed her on her ear.

She sighed gustily.

"NOW you tell me!"

Kurt made a move the following day. Jensen came out of his house and saw the limo waiting off to the side. It would be picking Danni up too, so they could make an appearance at the video game premiere; they would be photographed on the step-and-repeat, hanging out afterward to play video games for a little while. It was a strictly casual event; Jensen was in jeans and a Skyrim T-shirt, but there would be plenty of press around.

As he got in the limo, he gave a start when the other passenger door opened and Kurt sat down.

"What the hell are you doing here, you fucker?" Jensen yelled, surprised and angry at the intrusion.

"Ah ah ah now, I am your boss still. Now go ahead and drive, my car will follow us. Go on," and Kurt tapped on the glass for the driver to start.

Jensen's jaw clenched so tightly that his teeth hurt.

"Now, I think we need a quiet little chat, just you and I," said Kurt unctuously. "Clear the air a little, so to speak. Establish a few points between us. First of all, let me remind you that you work for me. Got that, Jensen? You. Work for. Me." He pointed at Jensen and then back at himself.

Jensen resisted the urge to throw a backhand punch into Kurt's smug face.

"That means you do what I tell you to do. You. Play. Ball. Are you with me so far, Jensen?"

Jensen nodded stiffly, hands white-knuckled on his knees.

"Good. I know you're a smart cookie. And you're very professional. I've always admired that about you. You understand the business, and you know your place in it. Not everyone gets that, unfortunately." He sighed sadly.

Jensen rolled his eyes. Goddamn traffic--he just wanted to get to Danni's and have this conversation end, but Kurt kept going.

"You understand how a set works, for instance. See, people look at a television show, and they see the cast--a handful of people, at most. And they know that there is a writer and a director, of course. They usually don't realize that it's really a dozen writers, and half a dozen directors. They don't think about the makeup and wardrobe people. The cameramen. The electricians, The set crew. And on and on, right? _Hundreds_ of people, all working to make that show or movie come to life, to be created for them. All of those people working so that the handful can perform. _Depending_ on the cast to make it all work, bring it all together, and keep that show on the air."

_Finally, he's finally getting to the point_ thought Jensen, as they pulled into the parking lot of Danni's condo.

Kurt turned to face Jensen. "Do you understand me, son? Do you get what I'm saying here?" His pale blue eyes bored into Jensen's. 

Jensen looked away and cleared his throat.

"Yes, I do."

"C'mon now, I wanna hear it."

Jensen bit the inside of his lip to keep his temper.

"Yes, sir, I understand you. Loud and clear, sir." He refrained from actually saluting, knowing Kurt would not tolerate the sarcasm of the gesture.

Kurt gave him a crocodile smile.

"Excellent, my dear boy! I trust everything will go smoothly from now through the finale. I'll let you know what I want to happen when." He got out of the limo and shut the door.

Jensen got out to buzz Danni, who was still waiting upstairs for him. Kurt was almost to his own car, the driver already holding his door open, when he stopped and turned back to Jensen to say, "Oh, Jensen--have a great time tonight with your beautiful date." He winked and got into his car.

By the time Danni came downstairs, Jensen was practically vibrating with anger.

 

JRAckles  
 _Glad things are good there. Nathan sounds awesome. Wanna meet him. When are you done there?_

jarpad  
 _Dunno yet. Soon I hope. How are you? Hows wedding going?_

JRAckles  
 _Wedding's going fine. Just miss you._

jarpad  
 _Miss you too, baby. You okay?_

JRAckles  
 _So-so. Nothing I can't handle._

jarpad  
 _What's going on? I need to bust some heads?_

JRAckles  
 _I got it. Not a pretty fucking princess, you know ;-)_

jarpad  
 _You're my pretty princess, Ackles. ;-)_

JRAckles  
 _Fuck you ;-) Just some work shit going on. You know how it goes. I got it._

jarpad  
 _Jensen, what's up?_

JRAckles  
 _Dude, I'm fine. You're in outer fucking Mongolia or something. You concentrate on your shit, okay? Want you home sometime this year._

jarpad  
 _Me too. Miss you, you dickwad. Never going away like this again. Unless you come with._

JRAckles  
 _:-D_

jarpad  
 _:-D_

JAckles  
 _Gotta go, the overseer beckons. I hear the whip snapping :-P_

Jarpad  
 _Is that your producer? Heard some shady shit about him, dude. Watch yourself ok?_

JAckles  
 _I'm fine. I got Danni here. You just finish up that cosplay crap and get home, okay?_

jarpad  
 _Should I be jealous? ;-)_

Jackles  
 _Yeah, because boobs are SO my thing_

jarpad  
 _LOL_

JAckles  
 _love you_

jarpad  
 _love you too_

The wedding scenes had been shot; they had held it at the Logan house, which was decorated and bedecked with ribbons and flowers. Danni looked utterly beautiful in Cynthia's champagne cocktail dress. Jensen knew he'd looked hot in Zach's fitted dark gray suit. The guests had come, toasted, fed, and gone. The kids had left to stay with friends, so that the newlyweds could be alone.

Now it was just Danni and Jensen on set, both out of their finery and in jeans and T-shirts. Cynthia came down the stairs and walked over to Zach as he stood at the kitchen counter. She put her arms around him and slipped her hands into his pockets. He kissed her.

"That was really beautiful, wasn't it?" Cyn said.

Zach nodded and held her against him, his cheek on her hair. 

"It really was. Even when Pastor Josh got the hiccups during the vows."

They chuckled together.

Cynthia pulled back and looked at Zach with bright eyes and a soft smile.

"So, Mr. Logan, what's next?"

He cradled her face in his hands, careful not to block her light.

"What's next, Mrs. Logan, is the rest of our lives together. All four of us."

They kissed tenderly once more, holding it until Bob yelled "Cut! That's a wrap!"

They broke apart with big smiles; the crew, the rest of the cast, and the small audience all applauding loudly. The kids ran back onstage and hugged Jensen and Danni. The crew and cast mingled with laughter, chatter, and lots of hugs.

"Okay, everyone! Clear the set! Wrap party starts in an hour, so go get changed!"

The wrap party was lively--music playing, people dancing, a big buffet, an enormous cake. Jensen's cheeks were getting sore from smiling so much. The last couple of weeks had gone smoothly enough, with magic happening on the set and no blatant interference from Kurt. Jared was supposed to be done filming soon as well, and would be home in another week or so. Jensen was not complaining.

He turned around and found himself eye-to-eye with Kurt.

"Great job there, Jensen!" Kurt said cheerfully. "Fantastic work!"

"Thanks," Jensen said grimly.

"So, I hope you've been mulling over our last conversation. Quite a lot of food for thought there, yes?" He sipped his scotch on the rocks.

"Yeah, yeah. Mulling. Right." Jensen took a pull on his Dos Equis. As soon as this conversation was over, he planned to find something stronger.

"Now, tomorrow you're booked to tape on _Ellen_. I'm not a fan personally; dykes aren't my cup of tea, but she gets huge ratings, and we want that audience. You'll be talking up the wedding, of course, and the season finale, but I also want you to broach the subject of you and Miss Harris becoming an item. I want it to start spreading officially, carry the current interest and attention on you two over the hiatus and into next season. Ellen's been given that as a prompt, along with the finale info, so she'll be ready to ask you about it."

Jensen clenched his fist in his jeans pocket, threatening to rip the thin fabric.

"Yeah, gotcha."

Kurt cocked an eyebrow at him.

Jensen ground his teeth together.

"Yes, sir. I understand."

"I knew you would, son. Now, go have fun! It's a party! Celebrate your excellent work this season!" Kurt raised his glass and drifted away.

Jensen headed for the bar.

He didn't sleep well that night, his mind too unsettled and restless after Kurt's veiled threats and blatant homophobic comment. The next morning found him up with the sun. He went for a run, hoping the exercise would alleviate his tension and clear his head. It did to a degree, the exertion and fresh air cleansing him somewhat, but Kurt was still smiling smugly in the back of his mind even after his post-run shower.

JRAckles  
 _So, is it like midnight there?_

JRAckles  
 _you must be asleep. Sorry. I'll catch you later_

JRAckles  
 _I love you, Jared_

He put his phone down, sighing.

He managed some toast and an orange before his stomach clamped down. He stood in front of his closet for twenty minutes, unable to decide what to wear. Finally he pulled out dark jeans that Jared said made his ass look even more fantastic, and a long-sleeved, emerald-green cashmere sweater with a V-neck. He massaged some product into his hair and got the messy, spiky look he preferred. Jared referred to it as his "I just got laid" look. He smiled at his reflection as he thought of that.

Jensen was waiting outside when the limo pulled up. He got in the back, sitting silently as the car drove to the lot where _Ellen_ was taped. He checked his phone three or four times, but there were no texts. Well, no texts from Jared. Danni texted that she was sorry she wasn't there with him. That made him smile. Danni's casting made it twice that he'd lucked out with a co-star.

Arriving at the lot, Jensen got out of the limo and walked into the building. His body felt stiff and awkward, his limbs moving like they didn't belong to him. His brain was a balloon, floating and disconnected, only attached by a string to the rest of him. 

_Can't do this, can't do this. How can I go out there and tell the world a bald-faced, fuckin' lie?_

Years of practice let him tune out the chatter around him as he sat in the makeup chair, closing his eyes as they worked on his face. He was beginning to feel unnaturally calm now; what lay ahead seemed inevitable, and all that was left was for him to accept it. _Don't think, just do . . . it will all work out._ said one part of his brain soothingly.

"Wow! Look at those eyelashes! Just sinful!"

"Oh, Jensen, your freckles are adorable! I'll use a light base, I don't want to hide those!"

Gentle hands moving on his face, tucking tissue in to keep his sweater clean. Brushes softly sweeping powder over his skin. All the little rituals he was so accustomed to.

_How can this charade work out? Lies, so many lies . . ._ said a tiny, angry Jensen in the corner of his mind. _This is so wrong! We're better than this!_

"There, you're all set! You hardly need anything, you're naturally gorgeous!" The two makeup girls beamed at him as they removed the tissue and patted his shoulder.

"Thanks, ladies. You're too kind," he said as he smiled at them. He shook their hands and they smiled delightedly.

He felt like his hands were covered with mud. He looked at their hands and saw the mud smeared on them as well. He caught his breath in dismay and looked up, saw them smiling and talking cheerfully, although he couldn't hear a word they said.

Jensen managed to smile and nod at them, turning and making his way out of the makeup room. A production assistant appeared at his elbow and guided him to the green room.

The flight had been several hours, and Jared's legs were cramped and stiff by the time he disembarked at LAX. Even first class wasn't quite enough room for the Padalecki legs to stretch out.

"How you holding up there, big guy?" asked a deep, warm voice, and Jared turned to see Nathan Fillion behind him, offering a water bottle.

"Okay, I guess," answered Jared, pausing to drink half the bottle in one go. "I feel bad for being incommunicado this long, but hopefully Jen will forgive me when he sees I'm home early."

It was Nathan's idea to return early and surprise Jensen. He saw Jared's concern about his boyfriend growing daily, and he had a much clearer idea of how wily and underhanded Kurt Fuller could be. Jensen needed support, and he needed his partner.

They'd managed to wrap up their specific shots ahead of schedule and hop on a plane. Jared didn't even want to go home--he just wanted to go straight to Jensen. They grabbed a rental car and headed for Jensen's house.

It was empty.

"Well, it is a sunny afternoon in L.A. He could be shopping. Or visiting a friend. Or golfing, it's a beautiful day for golf," Nathan suggested.

Being so close but still not reunited was making Jared a little crazy.

"We have to find him! What if something's wrong?" He covered his face with his hands and breathed deeply for a moment, while Nathan looked on with concern. Dropping his hands, Jared said, "Look, you're right, I know. He could be doing anything. But I'm really worried right now, and I have to find him."

Nathan snapped his fingers. "Hey, let's call Danni! She's his friend as well as his co-star. Maybe she'll know where he is."

Danni couldn't believe Jared was home. Their words tripped over each other as she peppered him with questions and he tried to find out where Jensen was. Nathan finally took the phone from Jared and firmly said, "Miss Harris! Danni! Please--this is an emergency. We need to find Jensen right away."

Danni calmed down enough to tell Nathan about Jensen's talk show taping.

"He's there right now, and I don't know what he's going to do. Fuller has been pressuring him to announce that we're a couple, which isn't true at all! But if he doesn't do it, Fuller could end up shutting the whole show down!"

"Got it," said Nathan grimly. "We're on it." He clicked the phone off.

"What? Where is he?" demanded Jared anxiously. His Spidey-sense was tingling madly now.

"He's taping _Ellen_ today--he's on their lot now. C'mon, we have to move it!" Nathan grabbed Jared's arm and started dragging him back to the car. "Move it, Jared!"

A production assistant ushered Jensen to the wings of Ellen's set. He smoothed his sweater down, taking a second to trace the silver cuff around his wrist. He'd fallen asleep with the wooden box still open on his bed the night before, and the silver glinted in the early morning sun. Jensen had learned to recognize a sign when he saw one, ever since he'd stumbled across that pay phone in the Arizona desert. After dressing, he'd picked it up, admiring it for both its beauty and its significance, and slipped it on his wrist.

Despite not wearing it for five years, it felt as natural as if it had never been off his arm.

Music soared and the audience applauded loudly. Ellen's name came over the loudspeakers, making the applause surge even louder.

Jensen gave himself a little shake. Time to "play ball."

". . . my next guest is the dad from one of our favorite shows; he's been through the mill in the past, but now he's found new happiness and a new wife! Please welcome _Carry On_ 's own "Zach Logan"--Jensen Ackles!"

Jensen strode out onstage, smiling and waving. The audience cheered and clapped; there were even some admiring hoots and catcalls. He shook his head, grinning.

"Jensen, it's so great to meet you! I love your show, Portia and I watch it every week," Ellen shook his hand and gestured for him to sit. He settled down on the couch and tried to relax a bit as Ellen continued to talk.

"Now, Jensen, you've never been here before, is that right? How is that possible? What an oversight on our part! Who's in charge of guests--is that you, Ron? Teresa? Drop and give me twenty push-ups!"

Everyone laughed.

"First off, let me congratulate "Zach" on his beautiful new bride, "Cynthia". I'm so glad he's found love again. Jensen, has it been difficult playing a character with a rather tragic history on a show that includes a lot of comedy?"

"Not really. Drama and comedy are so mixed, really, that it's just a matter of where you are walking down that line. Some weeks, we're more on the funny side. Some weeks, it's more of the drama, as the kids and Zach alike continued to grieve the loss of Molly, Zach's first wife. And there's been ramifications of that even since Danni joined. The kids are "Who is this woman? She's not our mother!" Zach doggedly resisted letting someone into his heart--his view was "I was terribly hurt before, I'm not risking that again." But, in the end, he did."

Ellen nodded. "Well, I have to compliment you--you have amazing comedic timing and delivery, but at the same time, you really make me feel the pain and loss this man has gone though. And yet all along, Zach has worked hard to be there for his kids as they struggled too."

A resounding round of applause. Jensen thanks Ellen and nodded at the audience gratefully.

"Tell us about Danni Harris. Obviously she's funny and beautiful, but what was it like having someone new join the cast full-time, after four years? And how is she to work with?"

"Danni is fantastic. She's smart, she's beautiful, as you said, and she's got a great sense of humor. She's worked hard to mesh with everyone, and it's paid off. She's definitely become a member of the family."

"Now, Jensen, you've been seen at some events recently--the People's Choice Awards, the Teen Choice Awards, and I think there was a big video game premiere? And you escorted Danni to all of those events. Is all of that strictly as a co-star, or is there anything else you'd like to share with us?"

And there it was. He looked into Ellen's cornflower blue eyes, her smiling face, and he could see that she was asking sincerely. She didn't know that she'd been primed by Kurt Fuck-you-over--she thought it was true. But now the ball had been pitched, and it was his play.

Nathan had driven like a madman, and somehow they hadn't gotten pulled over. Well, it was L.A., after all. Jared barely waited for the car to stop before he jumped out, Nathan right on his heels. They raced into the building that housed the soundstage for _Ellen_ and confronted the production assistant at the door.

Jared thanked his stars that he was with Nathan "The Snake-charmer" Fillion. He had to be a snake-charmer, because in about five minutes they were standing in the back of the audience, watching as Ellen made her entrance. She introduced Jensen, and then there he was, looking absolutely edible as far as Jared was concerned.

They sat down and began to talk, and Jared started to relax. Everything seemed to be going alright. Jensen looked good. The show was moving along smoothly. He smiled at Nathan, who gave him a smile and thumb's up in response.

Then Ellen asked about Danni. Jared knew the audience wouldn't notice, but he could tell that Jensen froze.

_Shit!_

Jared took a step as if to go to Jensen, but Nathan put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, his face serious.

"Hang on . . . let the man have a chance to deal with it. It's his turn at the plate."

Jared nodded. Everything inside him wanted to run down to the stage and end it, but he knew Nathan was right. Jensen needed a chance to respond by himself.

Jensen's mind was completely blank for a moment. Had someone asked him his name, he would have struggled to answer. His eyes dropped from Ellen's face, which was starting to look concerned as she picked up on her guest's discomfort. They fell upon his wrist, the one with the silver and copper cuff peeking out from the sleeve of his sweater, and in a flash he was transported to the one other time he'd visited Ellen's show, albeit not as a guest.

When Jared had been the guest, sitting on Ellen's couch, telling her and the world about being bisexual as if he did so everyday. And Jensen--appropriately enough--had been hiding nearby.

_His eyes were fixed on Jared, or more precisely, on Jared's arm. The arm clad in a navy sport coat, the sleeve falling back a little as Jared reached up to push his hair back. The resultant bare wrist gleamed with metal encircling it. Jensen was too far away to visually identify the metal, but he knew what it was anyway. He knew it was a silver and copper cuff, with a slight curve in the design, hailing from Ocracoke, North Carolina._

A feeling of peace flooded him as the memory ebbed. He brushed the cuff with his finger before facing Ellen again. Her eyes were worried, and she was asking him softly if he was alright.

"I'm sorry, I spaced out on you for a second there. Yes, there is something I'd like to share. I have a little story I'd like to tell you, if I might."

Ellen nodded, leaning forward attentively.

"Danni Harris is an amazing woman, and I consider myself blessed to have her as a co-star. There's only one other time I've ever been so lucky, and that was back on a show I did in my twenties called _Supernatural_. I don't know if any of you remember it . . ."

A brisk round of applause showed that people did remember it, and Jensen smiled at the audience.

"I worked with a very talented young man named Jared Padalecki on that show. Jared's gone on to do a number of terrific movies, and soon he'll be featured as Nightwing in the Batman reboot starring Nathan Fillion, _Secrets of Arkham_."

Enormous applause.

"Now Ellen, you had him on this show--I don't know if you remember? He was promoting _Masquerade_ , the indie movie in which he played a bisexual character, and he came out as bi-sexual himself right here."

Ellen nodded vigorously. 

"Of course! I absolutely remember. It was a courageous thing for him to do, and I've been extremely pleased that his career has continued to thrive since then."

"Yes, it was. He was brave. And he's a huge talent, so it's been to our benefit that he's kept working. But I have to make a confession, Ellen. I snuck onto your set that day. I hid on the outskirts of your audience and watched that entire discussion happen."

Ellen laughed. "Seriously! I'd have been happy to have you come watch, Jensen, I know your set is nearby. Why did you sneak in? What were you looking for?"

Jensen paused, taking a deep breath.

"A sign, Ellen. I've come to believe in signs that tell us something important. And I got a powerful sign that day, one that started me on a path that I am still walking on."

"Now, Jensen, are you about to introduce us to a new religion?" Ellen joked, chuckling.

Jensen laughed as well.

"No, no, but I did go on a bit of a pilgrimage. I went home to Texas. I went back home to Richardson, and I had dinner with my parents, and I told them that I'm gay."

The entire audience gasped. Ellen looked shocked, laying a hand on Jensen's arm to make sure he was okay.

"Jensen . . . oh my God. Did they know? How did they respond, if I may ask? "

Jensen smiled at her.

"I'm fine. And they were fine. I'd spent a lot of years--my whole life--worrying that they would hate me. That they would reject me because of that. But they had grown through the years too, and they accepted it. Accepted me, as I am."

The audience clapped madly.

"And was that the end of your pilgrimage?"

"No, because I had to come back to L.A. I had to come back to work, you see, and I had some unfinished business to take care of. And halfway home, my truck broke down. I hitched a ride with a trucker for a while, and finally ended up walking for over 4 hours in the desert. Finally I stumbled upon a little oasis composed of a diner and a gas station. And that's where I saw my second sign."

"Wait, your _second_ sign? What was your first sign?"

"Bear with me, I know I'm telling them out of order. This sign, the second sign, was an old-fashioned pay phone outside the gas station, sticking up from the sand, shining like a beacon in the sun. And I knew that it was my sign to call someone; someone I hadn't talked to for years, someone I loved very much. Someone I desperately needed to talk to again."

"My goodness, Jensen, you have me on the edge of my seat! Did you call them?"

The memory of that day had Jensen choked up for a second, it was so strong and fresh.

"I did. And that person talked to me instead of hanging up on me, as they had every right to do. We were able to talk enough that we agreed to meet. Since then, we've been spending all of our time together. I love him very much."

Ellen clapped happily.

"But now tell me what the first sign was."

Jensen extended his wrist, exposing the metal cuff.

"Oh, Jensen, that's beautiful. Is that it? Is that the sign?"

"I bought this in North Carolina one year, on vacation. Actually, I bought two. He has the other one. I didn't know if he'd kept it after we broke up. It was an ugly, painful time. But when he was here with you, Ellen, I saw him wearing it as I hid in the audience. And if that's not a sign that love can endure, I don't know what is. I knew when I saw it that I had to take the chance, I had to make that trip to Texas and start down this road, and I'm glad that I did."

Ellen grabbed his arm.

"Jensen, are you saying--?"

Jensen could feel his grin go from ear-to-ear.

"Yes. I'd like to state for the record that Jared Padalecki and I are in a serious, committed relationship."


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

When Jared heard Jensen announce that he was gay, he clapped his hands to his mouth in shock. Nathan gasped softly next to him, looking at Jared with wide eyes. Jared nodded at him, and Nathan put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

Transfixed, Jared watched Jensen recount that pivotal point in their history, reliving it himself as Jensen spoke. As he went on to speak of the cuff, Jared reached down and touched the one on his own wrist. Nathan saw his movement and patted his back. Jared thought that he better get Nathan a hell of a present as a thank-you for all of his support. Like a Lear jet.

Then he heard Jensen's statement about their relationship. He couldn't move, could barely think.

_Jen, you crazy . . . you brave, crazy man._

Nathan was pushing him, hands pressed against Jared's shoulder blades.

"Jared--go to your boy! Go on!"

His feet started moving, bringing him from the back down the aisle, heading toward the stage. He heard noise around him, and dimly realized that people were looking at him, recognizing him, talking and gasping as he approached the stage.

He stepped around a cameraman and right up onto the stage. Ellen and Jensen were hugging, with Jensen's back to him, so Ellen saw him first. Her eyes went wide as her mouth opened in surprise.

"Jensen . . . Jensen . . . turn around!" she cried as she grasped his arms and tried to pivot him.

Jensen turned around, puzzled.

Jared swept him into his arms.

Closing his eyes, he thought nothing felt so good as the pressure of Jensen's tall, hard body against his. No one smelled as good as Jensen, no one's skin against his cheek felt so warm and smooth. Jensen's arms tightened around him, Jensen's face burrowed into his neck, and it was the best moment Jared had had since he left to film _Secrets of Arkham_.

Finally they broke apart, the resounding applause around them dying down, and they laughed as they wiped wet tracks off their cheeks. Ellen was beaming from ear-to-ear as she clapped.

"Well, you guys sure know how to set everyone on their ear! Was this planned?"

Both men shook their heads.

Jared said, "I just got back today from shooting in New Zealand. I'm home ahead of schedule, and I didn't tell Jensen because I wanted to surprise him. Guess that worked, huh?" and he grinned at Jesnsen.

Jensen replied with a thump on his boyfriend's broad chest. "You rat! How did you find me?"

 

"Danni! We called Danni, and she told us. Thought we'd surprise you!" Jared messed up Jensen's hair.

Ellen interjected, "Who's "we", Jared?"

"Oh, my co-star and excellent friend, Nathan Fillion! Come on down, Nathan, don't hide back there!"

Nathan came down the aisle and joined the party onstage, serenaded by the thundering applause of the audience. He smiled and waved, kissing Ellen on the cheek and shaking Jensen's hand enthusiastically.

"Well! I think you all have made this a show for the record books! Jared, it's great to see you again, and see you doing so well! Nathan, you are a scamp! You always are pulling some kind of shenanigans!" They all laughed.

"Well, folks, I have to bring this party to a close, but I can see we'll be scheduling some follow-up visits with y'all very soon! I want to hear how everything is going, so expect calls from my staff, okay? For now, I just wish each of you the best of luck in your new ventures, on AND off-screen, and let's wave goodbye to our audience! Goodbye, and thank you!" Ellen kissed everyone's cheek and turned to wave at the audience.

Kurt Fuller sat back in his executive desk chair, a crystal tumbler of ice and expensive Scotch swirling in one hand. His eyes were glued to his television screen, where a raw edit of _Ellen_ was playing. His jaw muscles jumped and his hooded eyes were intent as he watched.

Kurt hadn't entirely trusted Jensen Ackles to do as he was told; the man had heeled so far, but he'd been cranky about doing so. This appearance had too much riding on it to take any chances with an unruly star, so Kurt had found a cameraman with the show who had been unfortunate at the track lately. Now the talk show was unfolding on his fifty-five inch television as he sat in luxury and sipped his drink.

Jensen Ackles was being introduced, entering the stage like he was God's gift. Kurt curled his lip. Where did Ackles get off thinking he was above playing the game? All of the actors on Kurt's shows made sure they did what he said, when he said it. They knew they better dance to Kurt's tune, to play ball, or get out.

Or else he got rid of them. A cold little smile drifted across his lips.

That wasn't always a bad thing. It was often rather fun.

Jensen was sitting on the couch now, chatting with Ellen herself and smiling at the audience. Kurt rolled his eyes. Goddamn pretty boys. He knew that charm was one reason audiences loved Jensen, so Kurt just sighed and savored his Scotch.

What was this story crap Jensen was bleating about? Kurt sat up and turned the volume. "Announce your damn girlfriend, you ass! Get it over with!" he hissed at the screen.

"Danni Harris is an amazing woman, and I consider myself blessed to have her as a co-star," Jensen was saying.

Kurt sat back, smiling contentedly. _That's what I'm talking about! See, Daddy knows best._ He waited for the further announcement that they were officially dating.

Instead, the smile slowly melted off his face. He gradually sat up stick straight, then leaned forward in disbelief as Jensen recounted his story of travel and signs from the cosmos.

_GAY! What the fuck!_ His fists clenched. Hugely bankable star, famous for his role as a father and a husband, comes out as gay? He slammed the glass down onto his desk, ice cubes jumping out to skitter away on the polished wood.

Dollar signs flew madly away in Kurt's mind like birds before a storm cloud.

"I'd like to state for the record that Jared Padalecki and I are in a serious, committed relationship," Jensen said with a big fat, shit-eating smile.

Kurt rose to his feet and threw his glass at the center of the television screen.

Stabbing a button on his desk phone, he screamed, "Get Jensen Ackles and Danni Harris into my office! NOW!"

"Jesus, I don't know who's more of a scamp, you or Nathan!" exclaimed Jensen, laughing at the two men before him. He, Jared, and Nathan were having beers at Poquito Mas on Sunset. A big plate of nachos and some fried jalapeno poppers lay on the table, and they were all nibbling as they talked and laughed and marveled at Jensen's revelations at the talk show taping.

"Nathan, I can't thank you enough for getting him here. I was prepared to do it without him, but seeing him there--words can't express it, man. Thank you. I owe you eternally." Jensen slung an arm around Jared, bringing their heads together. 

"No problemo! He was pining, Jensen, _pining,_ I say! I didn't even realize how badly he was suffering until now. Seeing you two so happy together--it's warms an old curmudgeon's heart, it does!" Nathan laughed and drank deep of his beer. These two made a delightful couple, and Nathan was happy to see it.

The server brought over fresh beers and a tray of limes, whisking away the empties with a smile. "I love happy customers!" he said cheerfully.

They were busy discussing the merits and flavors of various tequilas, with Jared suggesting they have a taste test, when Jensen's phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out and answered it on speaker when he saw the number.

"Jensen? It's Julie. You need to get to Kurt's office ASAP. I mean it, he is on a freakin' rampage. I think he just broke his television!"

Jensen looked at the other two with concern. "Julie, seriously? Why does he want me at his office? It's fuckin' Saturday. I just taped the damn talk show, I'm off now! What crawled up his ass and ate his brain?" He shook his head in annoyance.

"I don't know! He just buzzed me to get you, and I head glass breaking in his office! Please, just get here. Now!" 

Jensen looked at his phone--she'd hung up. He rubbed a hand across his face and sighed.

"Guys, I hate to break this up, but I have to go. I don't know what's up but it doesn't sound too good."

Jared and Nathan exchanged looks. Nathan felt alarmed about the mysterious phone call.

"That's pretty bizarre," Nathan said carefully. "She have any idea what's going on?"

Jensen shook his head.

"Nope, she's pretty puzzled. I guess I better find out what's going on."

Jared stood up.

"I'll go with you. Who knows what kind of loose cannon he is right now? She sounded so upset, I'd rather you didn't go alone, Jen."

Jensen nodded.

"Sure, come along. I don't want to leave you now anyway," he said with a smile, running a hand up Jared's shoulder.

Nathan stood up as well. Good thing they hadn't been further into the beer.

"Listen, you two go along, You can call me later, Jared has my number--fill me in later, okay?"

They started to shake hands, but went in for hugs instead.

"I owe you, dude," Jensen whispered to Nathan as they embraced.

"We're good, man. But I ever need a favor, I promise to let you know, how about that?"

Jensen nodded and gave him a good thump on the back. He and Jared headed off to their car, and Nathan stood looking after them. He didn't feel good about that call at all. Not one bit.

"Mr. Fillion? Are you alright, sir?" Sam asked him, stopping by with a tray of drinks in hand.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Fine, thank you," Nathan answered distractedly.

"You need anything, you let me know. Jared and Jensen are good people--any friend of theirs is a friend of mine. Besides,' he winked at Nathan. "Always been a browncoat!"

Nathan laughed as the other man walked away. He loved feeling like part of some big, semi-secret club.

"Browncoats, they're everywhere. Always got a favor to give ya." He hummed softly, staring out the bar's front window.

"Well, what good's a favor if you don't call it in when you need it?" he muttered to himself.

He pulled out his phone and began dialing.

Jensen and Jared pulled up at the building that housed Kurt's offices. As they got out of the car, Jensen was surprised to see Danni get out of a taxi.

"Danni? What are you doing here?" Jensen walked over to her and hugged her.

She pulled back after kissing his cheek.

"I don't know! That little minx Julie called me and told me I had to get over here right away. What's up?" She looked past Jensen and saw Jared. "Jared! Oh my God! C'mere and let me hug ya, you adorable yeti!" She wrapped as much of herself around him as she could, cracking Jensen up in the process.

"Okay you two, control yourselves! Let's go find out what His Fucking Nibs wants with us."

They walked in and found the big glass door for his suite open. Looking questioningly between themselves, they cautiously entered the reception area.

"That you, kids? Come on in!" Kurt's creepily jolly voice rang out from his open office door. "Come on, kiddies, into Uncle Kurt's room now!" The final note of his sentence belied the false jollity of his first words.

They entered his office. Jensen was already feeling defiant as he faced Kurt, meeting his pale blue eyes directly.

"What is it, Kurt? What is so important you had to _order_ us to come right in? We just wrapped, we get a day off here!" Jensen said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Kurt's angry face froze.

"Who is _this_ goddamn giant, and what is he doing here?" he hissed.

Jared cleared his throat.

"I'm guessing you mean me. We haven't met before. I'm Jared Padalecki." He extended his hand to shake with Kurt.

"I'm not shaking your hand! I have no idea where it's been! Probably up this man's ass!" and he pointed at Jensen.

Jensen was dumbfounded.

_He knows? How did he find out?_

Kurt's face reddened as he gulped from the drink clutched in his hand.

_Oh, great, he's half-drunk. We're in some deep shit here . . ._

Jared's face tensed.

"Just being polite, Kurt. More than I can say for you." He too crossed his arms over his chest. Jensen knew that meant he was pretty pissed now.

He said, "Kurt what's going on? Why are you acting like a dick?"

Kurt laughed nastily.

"Oh, you should know, Jensen, you should know! You know all _about_ dicks, don't you? How they feel, how they smell, how they taste--"

"Stop it!" Danni cried out. "You're being disgusting! What the hell do you want with us? Tell us now or we're leaving!"

"You won't leave," he said and tossed back the remainder of his drink before slamming the glass onto his desk. "You have a very, very nice job in a top-rated show, a hit show; a juicy role that any number of actresses would give their hymens for, so you shut the fuck up. All I want to know from you is if you already knew. Did you, hmm? Did you know, Danni? Did it just not matter, since you were already in love with him? Is that why you hung in there with Jensen? Were you ever going to tell _me?_ Me, your _boss?_ Don't you think you owe me a little _loyalty?_ "

She stared at him, anger on her face. Then she looked at Jensen, and her lips quivered. Her eyes filled as she said softly, "I wasn't going to tell you, Jensen."

He look at her in confusion. _Tell me what?_

Behind him, Jared coughed. Jensen turned to look at him, and Jared touched his heart as he ducked his head and looked at Danni.

_Oh. Oh, no._

"Danni?" he asked gently, turning back to her.

She smiled twistedly, a pink grimace on her pale face.

"I'm sorry, Jensen. I couldn't help it." She laughed sadly. "I know Jared gets it. Jensen, you're smart, funny, incredibly talented. You're about the most beautiful man I ever saw. How could I help falling in love with you?"

She wiped her face, as the tears spilled over. 

"I just--I met Jared, and I saw you two together, and I knew the score. I know he's it for you. For about thirty seconds, I thought about trying to win you away from him. But I couldn't. You two are made for each other. So i moved into the next open part--best friend/co-star. And I'm happy to be there. I can still be part of your family."

She reached a hand to Jensen, and he took it.

"I would never, never wish you ill, Jensen. I would quit before I ever hurt you. But Kurt figured it out, and he kept trying to get me to play into the romance. I didn't go along with it, I swear I didn't, but he kept pushing even after I said no. I should have told you, so you understood what was going on better, and for that, I'm sorry."

Jensen turned to Kurt.

"You bastard! You tried to use her, twist her feelings--"

"Oh, shut up, you sanctimonious fag! I use everybody, it's what I _do!_ It's what keeps things running around here in Tinseltown! So shut the fuck about about _using_ your poor little Danni!"

He strode to his credenza and refilled his glass. He took a big gulp, making Jensen even more nervous about his stability at the moment.

"So, Jensen, now let's talk about you. You went to tape _Ellen_ today, did you not? How'd that go?"

Jensen exchanged an anxious glance with Jared. Somehow, deciding to come out on a national talk show seemed a better idea when one was not facing a furious, drunken producer.

"It went fine. We had a good chat, the audience seemed to enjoy it."

"Oh, excellent, excellent! And did you mention that you had a new girlfriend, by any chance?" Kurt's eyes gleamed palely, his mouth moist at the corners from his Scotch.

_Batter up!_

"No. No, Kurt, I didn't. I don't have a new girlfriend, so I didn't say that I did." Jensen lifted his chin.

Kurt threw back his head and laughed. He wiped his eyes as he caught his breath.

"You sure didn't, didja? Oh my no, not at all!" He shook his head, as if Jensen was a five-year-old who'd misbehaved at his grandparents' house.

Jensen looked at Jared again, eyebrows raised.

_What the fuck?_

Jared simply shrugged and shook his head, his face blank.

"No! You told the entire fucking world that you were _GAY!_ Gay, Jensen! The complete opposite of what I wanted you to say! You not only botched our entire marketing plan, you torched it to the goddamn ground! Now instead of boinking our lovely Danni here, you're porking Sasquatch over there!" He paused for a second, thinking it over. "Or is he porking you? That's how it would be in Japan--the taller one is always the top!"

He waved hands, slopping Scotch on the rug.

"No matter! Either way, it's _wrong!_ And it's _not what I said to do!_ Jensen, when are you going to understand that _I call the shots!_ That you do _what I tell you!_ When are you going to _fucking play ball!?_

Kurt's voice rose throughout his words, sounding louder and angrier with every phrase until he was shouting. Jensen grew more alarmed at his obvious unbalanced state. He started edging back toward the door, indicating to Danni to do the same.

Jared spoke up, his voice calm and deep, his hands in front of him, palms out.

"Hey, let's settle down a bit here. There's nothing we can't work out, okay? Let's all calm down--"

"Calm _down?_ Who the _fuck_ are you anyway, telling me to calm down? It's _your_ fault in the first place! Your fault my star's out _dick-hunting_ instead of sticking it in his pretty co-star! So you _shut the fucking fuck up about CALMING DOWN!"_

Kurt whipped his arm and flung his glass across the room, where it shattered on the frame of the television, its glass face already in shards. Jensen jumped and grabbed for Danni, knowing that Jared could take care of himself, and shoved her to the door.

"Get out!" he yelled, pushing her more. Her face was terrified, and he yelled, "Go!" again. She turned and ran outside.

As he turned back, Jensen found Kurt looming over him, a heavy award in his hand. The man had moved with surprising speed and was practically on top of Jensen. Pure reflex kicked in and Jensen managed to block the blow descending onto his head. Another attempt followed, and Jensen found himself struggling against the big man. Jensen was in better shape, but Kurt was fighting with the strength of the crazed, pushing down and down onto Jensen.

Jensen gritted his teeth as he pushed back, but abruptly found his arms pushing against air. A wail of frustration rent the air, and Jensen fell back, gasping to catch his breath.

Jared had apparently pounced at Kurt and thrown his arms over the producers, trapping them and bringing them down behind him. He was fighting in Jared's iron grip, but Jared had him firmly and wouldn't let him go. Kurt cursed steadily as he continued to wrestle in Jared's grasp.

"Wanna call someone?" he asked Jensen tersely. "Kinda can't get to my phone right now."

Jensen huffed a laugh.

"Yeah, got your hands full there? Yeah, I'll call."

His phone was in his hand when the door that Danni had closed opened, and people streamed into the room.

Kurt tried to use the distraction to break free, but Jared kicked in the back of his knee, forcing the man down onto his knees on the floor. That finally subdued him more effectively.

"Is he okay?" asked a bearded man with large, soulful eyes.

"Oh yeah, I just have his arms in a pressure hold, and I only kicked enough to make his leg bend, not enough to really hurt," Jared replied. "We learn to be really careful with this stuff in sparring. Don't want people getting hurt when we're filming fights!" He winked at Jensen, who couldn't help smiling back.

"Good. Now we can sort this whole business out." The slight man put his hands on his hips as he faced Kurt. "Kurt, you've made a big mess here, and now we have to clean it up. Again. You attacked our freakin' star! What the hell, man! You could have killed him!" The man shook his head and sighed heavily. "You've interfered in several peoples' lives unnecessarily. Basically, you've acted like a big douchey baby. Well, it's the last time, Kurt. I'm tired of having to straighten shit out after you've put your messy hands all over it. _Carry On_ is not going to be a casualty of your misguided machinations, do you hear me?"

Jensen made big eyes at Jared and nodded at the bearded man. Jared flashed a dimpled smile in response.

Kurt whined, "He ruined it! He ruined the whole thing!" He cried out as Jared shook him.

" _You_ ruined it, Kurt! Well, I hope it isn't, but we'll have to ask Mr. Ackles now, won't we?"

He turned to Jensen and shook his hand.

"I'm Rob Benedict, Jensen. I'm the executive producer for several of the network's shows, including _Carry On_. I'm terribly sorry for the distress Mr. Fuller has caused for you and yours." He nodded at Jared. "I do hope we can persuade you to stay, even after these unfortunate events."

Jensen indicated Kurt with a nod of his head.

"He staying or going?"

Rob laughed.

"Oh, he'll be going. You can count on that!"

Jensen looked at Jared, who nodded.

"I'll be staying."

Rob clapped his hands.

"Terrific! Thank you so much, Jensen. We will finish sorting this all out, but Mr. Fuller will not be involved with the show in any way anymore."

Jensen blew out a breath.

"Sounds good to me!"

"Now then, we have a couple of officers with us. Officers, please relieve Mr. Padalecki--oh yes, Jared, I do indeed know who you are!--please escort Mr. Fuller off the lot, to the station if you would? We'll discuss charges shortly. Aggravated assault would seem appropriate, if that statuette on the floor is any indication. Bag that up for evidence!"

Everyone was busy for a moment, with the policemen taking over Kurt and taking pictures of the room. It allowed Jensen and Jared a chance to hug and reassure each other they were okay. Jensen thought of a question for Rob.

"Hey, Rob--how did Kurt know I was gay? And about me and Jared?"

The executive producer smiled at them.

"He bribed a cameraman with money troubles to give him a copy. The man confessed when police questioned the _Ellen_ camera crew after Nathan called me, told me something was up with Kurt. Then I found out about Jensen and the taping, and it gave me a direction to pursue."

The officers were about to leave the room with Kurt, and Chuck called out to them to stop.

"Once more thing, Kurt. All this homophobic crap? It's Hollywood! We're full to the rafters with the gay! What are you thinking? It's our best talent pool!" He shook his head. "Besides, did you know that my oldest boy is gay? Been married five years now, just had a kid with a surrogate. Beautiful family. So next time, Kurt? Just shut the fuck up!"

He nodded at the officers to remove Kurt.

"He really was a good producer for a long time. Just somewhere, he--he lost his way." He shook his head. "Shame, a real shame."

Jensen and Jared held each other for a long moment before they left.

"Jensen, hey, Jensen!"

"Over here, Jensen! Jared!"

"Nightwing! Nightwing!"

"Jared, Jensen, smile! Over here, guys!"

Jensen and Jared stood on the red carpet, both in tuxes. Jensen's was a more traditional cut with a classic bow tie and satin collar, while Jared sported a more modern vest with a long tie. 

It was the premiere for _Secrets of Arkham_ , and they were walking the red carpet on a balmy night in early September. Jared was beaming as photographers yelled to get his attention and take their shot. Jensen was by his side, also smiling. His show had resumed filming for its sixth season and was proceeding smoothly under its new producer, Sebastian Roche, an effervescent Frenchman with great joie de vivre. Danni had started her first full season as Mrs. Logan, and was completely happy with her new boyfriend, musician Steve Carlson. She and Jensen were as tight as ever; she was hinting she might ask him to escort her down the aisle when she and Steve wed next year.

Jensen and Jared weren't quite to that point yet, but they were living together very happily. Jensen had the show and Jared was fielding a myriad of offers, as the pre-premiere buzz on _Secrets of Arkham_ was excellent. He was sticking to his promise that he would not film outside the country without Jensen, but there were plenty of possibilities in the country during the season, and then Jensen would be free to travel during hiatus.

Jensen looked at his boyfriend and felt about to burst with pride. Jared was tall, strong, gorgeous, and talented. They were enormously happy together, whether they were cooking a meal for friends, running household errands, walking Jared's dogs ("our dogs!"), or making love in the big king bed in the house they'd found to share. They'd sold their individual houses, wanting a place that belonged to both of them, and the beautiful Spanish-style home in a gated Malibu community had suited them to a tee.

"Jensen! Over here!"

Jensen smiled and waved, the camera flashes glinting off the two-tone cuff on his wrist.

"Jared! Nightwing!"

Jared nodded with a big grin on his face.

"Hey, you two! Kiss! Give us a kiss!"

Both men laughed, but then Jared reached out and drew Jensen in close. The metal cuff he wore sparkled in the lights as he cupped Jensen's cheek. They looked into each other's eyes, ignoring the flashes of the cameras.

"So proud of you, baby. I love you," Jensen whispered.

Jared squeezed his waist.

"I love you too. Thank God every day we made it back to each other."

They kissed amid the explosions of the flashes and the approving roar of the crowd.


End file.
